Real Happy Mom

Practical tips and encouragement for moms

Using Your Enneagram Number to Understand Yourself and Improve Relationships

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Is it just me, or have you wondered what’s the deal with these Enneagram numbers?

You hear people talking and saying things like, “Yeah, I’m a 3 wing right.”

I have heard so many people talk about the Enneagram test and then throw around their numbers. But what does it all mean?

Basically, the Enneagram is a personality test that is based on 9 different personality types. The beauty of the Enneagram personality test is it is a simple (but could be complicated) way to understand yourself and others.

Because this is not my area of expertise, I brought my guest Becky to help us see how we can use the Enneagram personality test to understand ourselves and improve our relationships.

About

Becky is a Motherhood+Mindset Coach whose heart-centered practice reaches mamas of all walks of life around the globe.

Her focus is on helping women to create rhythms and routines for their homes and to incorporate lifestyles that help them thrive in motherhood, not just survive.

Through wit, humor, and the Enneagram, she teaches women how to cherish who God created them to be, from the inside out!

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Transcript of this episode

Real Happy Mom 0:02
Hey there, I’m Tony and I have an overwhelming passion to help moms navigate motherhood without the overwhelm. I went from struggling with motherhood and losing my identity, to be productive and living out my version of being a happy mom. On the Real Happy Mom podcast, I interview real moms and experts to help you navigate raising children self care, time management, and so much more. So if you’re ready to get rid of the overwhelm, and start being a Real Happy Mom, join me inside the Real Happy Mom podcast. Hey there, welcome back to another episode of the Real Happy Mom podcast. Today I have my guest, Becky, who is going to be sharing with us about the enneagram personality test. Now, if you have heard about the enneagram personalities has, you’ve probably heard people talk about their number and where they fall on this personality test. And I’ll be honest, like, I used to hear different people on various podcasts talk about what number they were and how it applied to them in their business and in their life. And I kind of got to the point where I was like, What in the world is this? enneagram? Like, what is this all about? So when I learned about Becky and how she is pretty much just like really big into this enneagram test and utilizing it in, you know, making us better as mothers and just helping with that communication with various people in our lives. I was like I gotta have her on so that one, she could tell us what this enneagram test is, and then to how we can utilize that information to help us. So in this episode, she is going to be talking about the enneagram personality test, I share what my number is. And she kind of explained some things about where I fall. Then also, she talks about each of the different major personalities within the intagram test, and how we can utilize the information from that test to actually communicate better with our spouses and with our kids. Because one of the things that I love about this test is it not only shows like, you know, kind of some of the traits that you have, but it also shares some of the desires and some of the things that we’re wanting, as well as some of the things that we fear too, as well. So it helps us to understand ourselves better, and then eventually helps us to better communicate so that we’re not misunderstood, or we’re not misunderstanding other people. So if you want to learn more about the enneagram test, this definitely is the episode for you. So let’s go ahead and jump into this week’s episode with Becky.

Real Happy Mom 2:39
All right, Becky, welcome to the podcast. I am excited to have you on today.

Becky 2:44
Yes, I’m super happy to be here. The enneagram is one of my favorite things to talk about. So I was totally on board when he asked me to come. It’s such an empowerment tool. And I’m all about empowering women. So any opportunity I get I’m like yes, absolutely. 100%

Real Happy Mom 3:02
Yes, yes. Now, before we jump into talking about the enneagram, I wanted you to share a little bit about you and what you do.

Becky 3:09
Yeah, absolutely. Thank you. And so I am a health coach and a life coach. And I stay at home with my three babies. I have two boys and a little girl. And I have actually been working as a virtual assistant for the past three years. So I was stay at home before stay at home was cool with COVID. So yeah, so I have a podcast and I help with Facebook groups with nutrition and mindset and all those fun things. So that’s where you can find me most of the time. And on the weekends I completely shut off, hang out with my kids phone’s gone computers, God getting outside and get some sunshine.

Real Happy Mom 3:52
Yes, I’m living all of those things that you were just talking about there. And one thing that I love that you talk about is the enneagram test. And this is one personality test that I have been hearing a lot about that sounds like I have to get Becky to talk to me about it. Because I’ve heard so many people, especially like in the business side who talk about it. And they’ll just kind of throw out like, yeah, I’m an enneagram, or whatever it is. And I’m like, what does that mean? So I want you to talk to us about what kind of personality test this is and how we can actually use this information from this test in our lives and in motherhood.

Becky 4:27
Yeah, absolutely. So the thing that I like about the enneagram test that’s different than say Myers Briggs, or the disc profiles or the color profiles, is that it speaks to the intention and the core motivations of someone’s heart. And so, what I like about it is you can use it to understand why you do things instead of just these are the things that you do and it makes you this certain personality type. If we can understand or understand the core motivations of ourselves and our families are able to communicate with them on a way They can understand instead of feeling like you’re both talking, nobody’s getting hurt, nobody’s under, you know, understanding each other. It’s just it’s an empowerment thing to be able to look within and say, these are my motivations, these are my core fears. These are my core desires. These are, this is my core longing, my core weakness. And so you can kind of see where the gospel is going to, you’re going to have a space for the gospel to come in and for God to make transformation in your life. So it gives you this framework, basically, to know where to start to, you know, people are always saying, I want to be a better person, I want to improve myself, they’re doing all these different self help things, but it’s like, where do you start? And where do I need help? Because, you know, it’s generic for everybody. So you pick up a book, like, Oh, I don’t struggle with this. And so what I like about the intagram, is it gives you that framework of, here’s where you might struggle, here’s where you have really good stress. And here’s where you can allow God to work in your life.

Real Happy Mom 6:01
Absolutely. Cuz I recently took the test. And it was pretty fun. Because Finally, I know at number I am Hello.

Becky 6:08
You can chat with all the other business people be like, yes, yes,

Real Happy Mom 6:12
we can have a conversation now. They’re talking about but I think one of the things that I was kind of expecting was to hear more of some of the things that they were discussing when they were talking in particular about how it relates to how they, they perform in work and things like that. But I found out that I actually scored a six. And that was a little bit, I think it’s a good thing. But for the business side. And for work, I think it speaks to more that loyalty and things like that. So I just want you to talk to us about some of the different types of the personality types that they have in the enneagram. And kind of like, what they all kind of look like.

Becky 6:57
Yeah, sure. So there are going to be nine different types, if you don’t know very much about the enneagram, there’s going to be nine, think of it as nine different ways to view the world. Obviously, there’s more than nine types of people in the world. So don’t feel boxed in by that it goes a lot deeper. But this is just an overview. And so with all the different nine types, they’re each going to have a different fear, a different desire, a different weakness, and a different longing. And that is how they came up with the nine categories. And so if you’re type one, they’re commonly called the moral perfectionist. So these are going to be the people who are always on time, these are the people who get organized, you know, I don’t think I have anyone in me, I would love to have someone traits, but I don’t think I have any. And their core fear is to be wrong, or to be immoral. And so that is something that’s going to drive them with their daily decisions, that is what’s going to be at the forefront of their minds. So I type two, these are the supportive advisors, but I personally like to call them the helpers, because to me, that gives a better viewpoint of them. And so their core fear is being rejected and unwanted. Being thought worthless, needy, indispensable or unworthy of love. So a type two person is going to help in order to feel love from someone else. So these are the people that are when you go to their house, they’re gonna say, Can I make you something to eat? Do you want some water? Are you comfortable? Are you too cold? or too hot? Do you want a blanket, you’re like, wow, I just want to visit It’s cold. But that is just how they show their love for a type three. So I’m a type three, they are the successful achiever. And their core fear is being exposed or thought and competent and efficient, worthless. So basically, their biggest thing is failure. And especially if it’s going to be in the public eye, that’s not a good thing. So that’s gonna be one of their biggest fears. And I really struggled with this. I don’t know if you went through the same thing whenever you were taking the test. But I was reading the story. And I was like, Yeah, I mean, some things sound like me. But then some things don’t. So for me, I’m not real sure we I don’t need the latest and greatest iPhone, like, I’ll use this one until it’s you know, it, my stuff doesn’t work on it anymore. But there, there’s different levels of each number. And so, achievement for me has to do with my family. It has to do with my personal business as a coach and my clients progress. That’s what success means to me. Whereas for someone else, it may actually mean going up on the corporate ladder. So just just kind of keep an open mind with these that it could mean something different than what your first thought is with the descriptions. So for type four, they’re the romantic individualist. These people are our artist. These are our imaginary, imaginary thinkers, they have a core fear of being emotionally cut off or plain or mundane. So if these people are average, that is their biggest fear, they want to stand out. So have you seen that commercial with? What is it progressive, progressive? Or where he is training everybody to not be their parents?

Unknown Speaker 10:21
Yes. Okay,

Becky 10:23
that commercial is like any Agrium all over the board. I can’t unsee it now. But you know how the guy walks through and he has blue hair, he’s like blue. The guy with the blue hair is probably a four. Okay, he wants to be different, I’m say about the one that’s helping the guy with a minivan back out, that’s probably a two, probably a helper. Okay. Just to put this in perspective here. So a type five, these are investigative thinkers, these are our engineers, they’re the ones who want to take things apart and understand how it all works. And they’re very fact driven. So if you’re going to present something to a type five, you need to have your facts straight, because they’re going to ask for it. These are evidence based people, okay? Their biggest fear is to be ignorant, is to have obligations that are put on them. Type fives are often introverts because they have very low energy, they actually have the least amount of energy than anybody on the enneagram. And I think it’s because they’re such deep thinkers, they’re so far into their thoughts, that having other people come in and invade their space means that they may not have all the facts, they may not be able to keep up. And so that is one of their biggest things is worrying about that energy being depleted. For a type six, this is my sweet husband, and you, y’all are the loyal guardians. I like to think of you guys as like a bodyguard. So you’re gonna make sure that your family is protected, that your home is protected, that you’re taken care of, you’re able to think ahead. So an example of this with my husband versus me, just to see how these numbers interact here. You know, if, if I have a business idea, I come in, and I’m like, Yes, I’m thinking, I’m gonna do this, I’m gonna start such and such and such. And I’m so excited. And here’s the colors, and here’s the website and all this and he’s like, Okay, well, he’s a sixth of five weeks. So keep that in mind. Okay, well, what’s gonna be the monthly cost for the hosting of the podcast? I’m not sure I’ll find somebody, well, we’ll find somebody that’ll fit the budget. He’s like, okay, and about how many hours a week? Is that gonna take you? I don’t, I don’t know. But look how cute I got this color. And this palette and isn’t it is. So he’s gonna think of, Okay, let’s look at this logically, let’s look at this, you know, from a standpoint of what could happen, not necessarily in a negative way, but let’s just be proactive and thinking, whereas for me, I’m just like, Whoa, this is fun. This is a great idea. And I don’t think too much about it. So that’s how it personalities can help to mesh together and make something beautiful. The biggest fear for a type six is fear itself, honestly. But being without support or security or guidance. So do you feel like that resonates with you?

Real Happy Mom 13:13
I was having a hard time with this one. Because I was like, I don’t know. But I definitely can see the loyalty and you know, The Guardian. That part? Yes, I can definitely see that.

Becky 13:24
Yeah, well, there’s different levels of alignment. So it could just be that you are super plugged in that you’re a very healthy six. So a healthy six would be connected to God, you know that God’s gonna take care of you, you know that he’s got you back. He’s giving you these gifts and your work and in, you know, in his will and with his with him and focus. And then average six would be you, you’re like really nervous about things around you. So an average six to me would be like when COVID first hit, and everybody was kind of panicked. Like, I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I’m supposed to do a mask, or what am I supposed to do about keep my kids home? Do I send them just that level of not knowing and doing a lot of work on your own, if that makes sense. And then an unhealthy level would be like an orphan from God that you’re you’re not seeking Him for anything, almost a level of being paranoid. And so about fears and things like that. So it could just be that you’re really healthy six

Real Happy Mom 14:24
pack, I can take that one.

Becky 14:27
So, we have three more. So a type seven is the entertaining optimist. We need sevens in our lives, they bring the fun, they are the hostess with the mostess they are going to going to have fun activities. They’re always looking for this. The next thing they’re great at planning parties, they’re bubbly. They’re they’re just great to be around. But at on the inside their core fear is about being trapped in emotional pain. And so a lot of times they’re going to go on this next trip or you know, plan this next party or do whatever that’s going to be fun. To avoid having to feel deep emotions. And for a type eight, these were the protective challengers. So a lot of people, a lot of women who are really strong who are at the top of the corporate ladder, a lot of times they’re going to be eight, because they have figured out to how to have authority, they figured out how to protect themselves protect those that are around them, most of the time, they had childhoods that were that were really hard to where they had to grow pretty fast and, and be the protector of themselves. And their core fear is being weak or powerless, controlled or vulnerable. And actually, Martin Luther King, Jr. was an example of a type eight. So it’s not that they are necessarily bullies, that would be an unhealthy eight. But you can look at like Martin Luther King Jr, who served served people who fought for injustice, that was his life’s mission and his goal. And that would be like a type eight. And then type nine, these are the Crown’s of the enneagram these are the ones who keep all the other numbers straight. They have a core fear of being in conflict or tension being shut out or overlooked. Their core desire and their motivation is to keep peace with everybody. So my mama is a non and bless her because she’s got some she’s got a type five, son, she has a type seven, and two type threes. So blesser just tried to keep us in line here. But yeah, so they are the ones that that keep the peace with all the other enneagram numbers. And they are the best to go to if you need another perspective. So they’re really good at seeing all sides. And sixes are good at seeing all sides as well.

Real Happy Mom 16:53
Nice. And I like how you broke that down. Because I could kind of see a lot of different people in my life as you were describing them as my kids are my husband. That’s my mom, that’s my sister. So yes. Now that we know that, and like you said, you know, the personality test helps us to understand the desires. And the fears, too. I think that definitely helps with the communication too, as well. So we know not to get upset, like for me, like, you know, if I’m starting to get in the unhealthy side. And I’m like worrying about the uncertainty of what’s going to be happening because of COVID or whatever else happening out there.

Becky 17:29
Yeah, and it is it. It too helps too. Although it’s super, super, super personal. Obviously, this is it’s shining the light on things you want to shine, and you don’t want to shine. There’s there’s all these different parts. But it helps you to not take things personally, I know that’s what’s happened for my husband and I. So for example, because we live this every day, so I’ve got tons of examples for you. But for me as a type three, I have a two wing. So I’m, I’m the helper as well. So I want to achieve, but I want to help at the same time. And so for me, I’m here all day with our 14 month old, and I work online. So I don’t see adults all day. I’m just online talking to adults or talking to her daughter. And so when he comes in, I’m like, Oh, hey, how was your day? How did it go? What happened? Did you have the same, you know, partner today at work? Was it good? Was it hot with it? I want to know all the things because I’m like, Yes, connection, another human, let’s chat. And for him, bless his heart. He’s so patient with me, bless him. But he needs space. He needs quiet. And usually when he comes in all the kids are already home, we have three kids total. So all the kids are home, they’re jumping, they’re being wild, they’re doing whatever, he comes into chaos. So he’s in noise all day, and he comes in to noise at home. And then I’m like attacking him with all these questions. And so for the longest time, he would just be frustrated. And so I took that personally, like, Is it something that I did it? You know, are we okay, all these things? And he’s like, What are you talking about? I just need quiet. I’m like, I don’t understand. But for him with his five wing. His way of recharging plugging into the wall is to have alone time and space to just be and just exist for me. I have to have people interaction. And so for the longest time, that was a battle with us when we first got in, why don’t you care about me. I’ve been here all day by myself. And he’s like, why don’t you care about me? I’ve been with people all day. So understanding that it’s like, oh, wow. So you need space to recharge. And I need you to be able to have a conversation with me. So let’s work it out. For the first 45 minutes to an hour when you get home. You can go to the gym, you can go take a shower, you can do whatever you want. And then after that time, I’ll come and tell you about my day and vice versa. And so we’ve just been able to work through those things instead of taking them personally. It’s like oh, that’s just how You’re made, and that’s okay. Let’s work together with it.

Real Happy Mom 20:02
Gotcha, gotcha. So what would you say or suggest for someone who like just takes a personality test? Like, what are some things that you would say to like look at so that you can be better at communicating and actually understanding yourself better, I feel like too.

Becky 20:16
Mm hmm, totally. So most the time when people take a test, they’ll get a top number. But then there may be two or three total that they’re like, I could be these two, I’m kind of seeing myself and these other numbers as well. And so I actually have a mini master course. It’s free, it takes about 30 minutes. And their slides, you can read it if you’re not able to listen to the audio, but it talks about these four things, your core motivations, your fear, your desires, your longing, your weakness, and once you zoned in on maybe those top three, so take the test, it’s your top three, then go and listen to that master course, and break it down and see which of those resonates with because I’m telling you, when you find your number, you’re gonna be like, Oh, my goodness, that is totally me. And then it makes you feel like, Oh, I’m not crazy. Somebody understands me, they’re peeking into my world. So I would definitely take that free class, look at that, figure out what your motivations are. And it’ll become more clear for you.

Real Happy Mom 21:13
Definitely, and I will be sure to include that link in the show notes. Because I think that would be a very valuable resource. Because, for me, I felt like the personality test was good, because finally, I knew what my number was. But at the same time, I’m like, Okay, so what am I doing with this, so definitely got to take the master course, because that will definitely help, you know, give me some more clarity on how I can utilize that information that was given from the test.

Becky 21:36
Yeah. And also, if you get, you know, like a six if you have a six, but you’re like, Oh, I’m not sure I might be a seven or a five. I would go with whatever the core motivations resonate with you the most, I would pick that one, even if you test for a six, and it comes out to be something different motivations. To me, that’s more accurate. I like the test, because at least gives you a ballpark. So I would just look at those top three that it gives you. But then I would look at those core motivations to narrow it down a little further, because I’ve tested for a three and a seven, at different times. But when I read the motivations of a three, and I read, like the different types of a type three, which just keeps getting deeper, I’m like, Oh, that’s so me. That’s me. So it definitely will bring clarity. I agree.

Real Happy Mom 22:19
Gotcha. Now, I know you’ve given us at least giving us an overview of the enneagram test and how we can utilize that information. And like I said, I’ll make sure to include that link that you mentioned to the master course in the show notes. But I was just wondering if you had any encouragement or motivational quote for us Real Happy Mom, before we signed off?

Becky 22:40
Yes, totally. So I would say to understand that every person that you’ve come in contact with is at a different level of, of light, is the way I like to think of it a different level of development with their personality. They may be an unhealthy level, an average level, or they may be you know, all the way at the top totally connected. So give everybody grace and just know that they are on their journey, and you don’t know their motivations. So allow them to have that space to grow.

Real Happy Mom 23:12
Absolutely. Now, Becky, where can we find you if we want to connect with you and learn more about you online?

Becky 23:19
Yeah, I thank you for asking. So on Facebook and Instagram, I’m at full on purpose. And then I have a free group, which is full on purpose Hangout, I’d love to see you in there, I run monthly challenges. And we just have lots of fun in there. And then I also have a podcast called mama meets enneagram. And that is a one, all the different platforms.

Real Happy Mom 23:39
Awesome. And I will make sure to include all those links as well in the show notes. Vicki, thank you so much for coming on and sharing all this with us. I really appreciate it.

Becky 23:47
Yes, my pleasure. Thank you for asking me I love talking about this stuff. So hopefully it helps to give your ladies a little bit more light and insight into their world and their loved ones.

Real Happy Mom 23:57
You’re absolutely. Now that does it for this episode of the Real Happy Mom podcast to find the links in the show notes head over to Real Happy Mom comm slash podcasts. You’ll find all of the episodes there as well as the show notes. Now do me a favor. If you love this podcast and you’ve enjoyed this episode. Go ahead and rate and subscribe and Apple podcasts. Because let’s just be honest, when we see a lot of ratings and reviews for different things, especially on Amazon, we’re more likely to want our buy whatever it is that we’re looking at. So the same thing applies here in the podcast world. So I really would appreciate it and I would be so so grateful if you would do that for me. Now if you’re like Tony and I don’t listen to your podcast on Apple podcasts, that is fine too. Do me a favor. Take a screenshot of you listening to this episode and put it in your Instagram stories or your Facebook stories so that this helps get the message out to other moms about Real Happy Mom. Now that does it for this episode. I’ll be back again next week for another full episode. Take care and with lots of love

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

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