One of the things that I absolutely love about the summertime is going to the beach. And whenever I go to the beach, I will catch myself looking around and seeing some other women and their cute little swimsuits and thinking, “Oh, well, I don’t look as good as she doesn’t my swimsuit.” Or “I wish I could wear a swimsuit like that, but my stomach would look terrible in that.”
Then I start going down this rabbit hole of comparing my body to everyone else’s. And you’ve probably been there and have gotten into this comparison trap, especially when it comes to your bodies. But I want you to know, first of all, that you’re not alone.
Today, I’m going to share with you some tips on how we can do better about this comparison game with my guest. We are breaking down some of the ways that we can escape the body comparison trap this summer. So if you’re like me, and you want to do better about this comparison trap, stay tuned to this episode.
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About Megan
Megan Dahlman is a certified trainer and nutrition coach who’s passionate about helping moms love and thrive in their God-given bodies. Through her immensely popular podcast Self Care Simplified and online fitness and nutrition programs and courses, she is committed to coaching women along a grace-filled journey so they can achieve lasting strength and health.
Connect with Megan
- Website: www.vigeofit.com
- Facebook Page: www.facebook.com/strongmommas
- Facebook Group: www.facebook.com/groups/strongmommassquad
- Instagram: www.instagram.com/megandahlman
- Self Care Simplified podcast: www.vigeofit.com/podcast
- Freebie: https://www.vigeofit.com/utl/body-type-quiz and www.vigeofit.com/dangers
Podcast Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by Cozy Earth. Experience the luxury with Cozy Earth and get 40% by using the code REALHAPPYMOM40 at realhappymom.com/cozy
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Transcript of this episode
Toni-Ann Mayembe 0:00
One of the things that I absolutely love about the summertime is going to the beach. And whenever I go to the beach, I will catch myself looking around and seeing some other women and their cute little swimsuits and thinking, Oh, well, I don’t look as good as she doesn’t my swimsuit or Oh, I wish I could wear a swimsuit like that, or oh, she’s real confident. And that swimsuit. I wish I could be as confident as her. And then I started going down this rabbit hole of comparing my body to everyone else’s. And know you probably been there and have gotten into this comparison trap, especially when it comes to our bodies. But I want you to know, first of all, you are not alone. And today, I am going to share with you some tips on how we can do better about this comparison game with my guest here today. My guest is Megan is she is going to be breaking down some of the ways that we can escape the body comparison trap this summer. So if you’re like me, and you want to do better about this comparison trap, and get yourself out of it, or at least prevent it from taking so long to get out of it. Definitely stay tuned to this episode. You are listening to the real happy mom podcast. The weekly podcasts are busy working moms to get inspiration, encouragement and practical tips for this journey called motherhood. My name is Toni-Ann and you are listening to Episode 185. All right, today, I have Megan on the podcast. I am super pumped to talk to you today. Megan, welcome to the podcast.
Megan 1:37
Thank you so much for having me. I’m really excited to chat with you today. Toni-Ann.
Toni-Ann Mayembe 1:44
Same year, and you know, I’ve been like holding myself back. I’m like, wait till you press record before you start. Excellent. Because I know it’s gonna be good. Anything. So super excited to have you. Before we jump into our topic for today, I just wanted you to share a little bit about you and what you do.
Megan 2:01
Thank you. Well, I have been training and coaching moms women specifically for for over 15 years now. And this kind of all started my own journey began back in college, when it really was birthed out of a place of I hated my body. I like the way my body looked. And I I think we can all identify with that in some shape or form. But it propelled me towards fitness and nutrition because I wanted to manipulate my body, I wanted to do things and train it and eat in a certain way to to force it to become a certain way. And so I pursued a degree actually in exercise science. So I became an exercise scientist. And after that I became certified as a strength and conditioning coach and spent many years training athletes high performance fitness. And that morphed into training moms similar to myself once we all started having babies and everything just kind of dawned on me one day, when I realized I was coming to a place where I was beginning to fall more in love with my own body and make some big breakthroughs with my own body image. And I realized so many of the women, I was training and coaching, they weren’t there. And they needed someone to coach them through that process themselves. And many of them were coming to me to train them to, you know, look sexy in a swimsuit, like shave off those last few pounds or, you know, drop a significant amount of weight. And it was like I can help you do that. But I’m, I can read between the lines here, that there’s something in you that’s discontent that feels broken and struggling. And so at that point, I think this was 2017, I started an online company where I help women with their fitness and nutrition. But we go deeper than that. And I help coach them in a way where they fall in love with their bodies. And so that’s what I do. Now I provide a lot of courses and training programs to help women through that whole process.
Toni-Ann Mayembe 4:13
That is so awesome. And as you’re talking, I was just thinking like, Oh, yes, like, I definitely need that because I’m one of those moms that I think I really liked and enjoyed my body before kids. And then after especially the second one, I’m like, I don’t even like looking in the mirror. like who are you know that? So I’m just wondering, like, how can we start to identify and break through some of those negative thought patterns, especially like mine, like I said, I don’t even want to look in the mirror because I’m like, Who is that person then? Why does that look like that?
Megan 4:48
Yeah, you know, I think it’s helpful to like to identify that there’s several negative thought patterns that we have going on in our minds. And let’s take the example of being a mom I think So many things happen to our bodies through that process through growing a baby through labor and delivery, and then the aftermath of that. And so we become discontent with our bodies along with two different ways. We don’t like the way it looks. So we feel like, okay, I don’t measure up to beauty standards anymore. But on top of it, we don’t like the way our body is working, we feel broken, we feel messed up, we feel like we’ve lost a piece of our capacity. And so we don’t like the way that our body functions anymore. And so those are kind of the two big things. And I think as women, especially as we’re maturing and becoming more just on guard against the comparison game with other women, we are not as on guard as much against that. I don’t like the way my body functions, and we get really frustrated. And playing that comparison game with this is how I used to be, we look at a workout we used to be able to do you know, five years ago, and we’re like, my body just can’t do that anymore, or my back hurts, or my pelvic floor is not what it used to be, I can’t go jump on a trampoline anymore, you know, or I don’t know what happened to my abs. And so it’s, there’s this, this double thing that’s going on in our brains of I don’t like what I see in the mirror. But at the same time that I don’t like how I’m functioning. And so it’s this big struggle, and that is too big, negative thought patterns that were definitely happening.
Toni-Ann Mayembe 6:33
Yeah, and I didn’t even think about it like that until you said it. I was just like, whoa, whoa, wait a minute. Yes, Megan, you’re onto something here. Especially when it comes to, you know, the way things function too, because I was just doing this in the gym. I was like, Man, I used to be able to like kill it in here, like what am I doing? So I’m wondering like, Okay, we’ve identified, okay, we don’t really like how things look. And we don’t really like the way things are function when it comes to our bodies. But how can we start to move past these thoughts and become that woman that you describe that is loving their body?
Megan 7:12
Well, let’s start with the function piece. Because that piece, since we didn’t realize that was a big part of our discontentment and unhappiness that we have with our bodies, that is something that we can actually take action on right now. The accepting our body for the way it looks, it’s a little bit more challenging, but we can get there. But working on the function, this is something that we absolutely can do. So step back and be like, Okay, what about my body right now? Is not operating the way that I would really enjoy for it to operate? Do I feel weak? Do I feel injury prone? Do I feel like I’m not able to lift as heavy as I used to do I feel like my abdominals are a mass, you know, after having babies, maybe they’ve been separated, and I haven’t taken the time to repair them. It’s my pelvic floor missing all of these things. Sometimes we just have this overall sense of my body isn’t working well, and I’m just in pain. And so we got us zoom in and like, identify what are those things that I don’t like how I’m feeling, and let’s work on those. So if there’s pain, we got to start there. So if your back hurts, or pelvic floor hurts, or abdominals hurt, like, we’ve got to bring you back to a place where that is functioning, well, that’s your core, that’s the center of everything, you can’t go do a really hard workout or go lift really heavy, or try to punish your body by burning a bunch of calories, if things are not functioning properly with your core. So let’s work on that first, and then go out from there and be like, Okay, let’s now put in place a really great strength training program, coupled with some awesome nutrition to help me get to a place where I feel like my body is now jivin and groovin. And now I’m feeling strong, and I feel like I can I can feel my core again, I can feel that this pain is disappearing. And now I feel like I’m functioning well. And when you have clear action steps, things that you can do each day. I mean, come on, we’re moms, we like to check boxes, right? Like we just love to have a box that we can check and be like I did that in to see something that we feel like we did perfectly even though we can’t, you know, we obviously can’t do everything perfectly. But starting with those action steps really, really helps move us in that direction of beginning to fall in love with our bodies. So what is it about your body that’s not functioning the way you want it to? And let’s begin there and chances are the negative thoughts you have about your body are going to start to come around on their own without just sitting there being like, I have to fall in love with my body, I have to fall in love with my body. It’s so much harder when you don’t feel like you’re functioning, right?
Toni-Ann Mayembe 10:12
Yes, yes. And I like how you’re saying to start with the function part because I can definitely see how this can help me out a lot. Because for me, it’s my knees, my knees, I don’t know, I’ve just been struggling with this, since I was in high school, but it’s just gotten progressively worse. Of course, as we age, things kind of start breaking down if you don’t take care of it. So definitely my knees and then my stomach. Because yes, I’m the one with the muscles that separate it and get things to go back. So I love how you’re saying start with that. Because I know if I could get my knees feeling a little bit more stronger, and definitely get my stomach where it’s not looking like I’m three months pregnant, I would definitely feel a lot better about myself. And I’m sure you’d see a lot
Megan 11:01
for sure. And I think there’s a piece in the back of our minds where we’re saying like, it’s too late, you know, like, I had my kids too long ago, or my niece had been in pain for too long. Like it, this is just the way things are now. And as moms Oh, we’re so good at that, you know, just sweeping our own issues under the rug, and saying like, it’s not worth the effort. I’ve lived with it for this long. No, I don’t like it. Of course, I’d like it to go away. But it’s just been too long now. And I’m happy to say it’s so not It’s not too late. I have a lot of one of my main programs that I provide is called postpartum renew. It’s a 30 day program where I help women each day walk them through the process of re healing and renewing their core, bringing their abdominal separation back together, rien gauging their alignment and their pelvic floor health. And I have a lot of women that do this, you know, 15 years, 30 years after having babies, and it does wonders. And in fact, a lot of the moms that go through it, they’re like I can’t believe how realigning my core helped my knees. So we don’t realize like so many of these issues. They they’re connected. And one of my favorite things to do is just surprise and delight moms and show them. It’s not as hard and out not as much effort as you thought it was going to be. And it just took a little bit of you taking that leap of faith and saying I am worth a little bit of effort and extra self care. I’m going to stop sweeping this under the rug and actually take care of this.
Toni-Ann Mayembe 12:40
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Megan 15:13
Absolutely. And honestly, I feel like it eliminates the comparison game, when, you know, when we’re always trying to figure out a way to stop comparing ourselves to others, like seeing our differences, actually is the best thing for that, to recognize, like, You’re right than I am, I can, because I know that I can stop comparing myself to you, it’s when we’re all trying to be the same. That’s when we’re trying, that’s when the comparison game is at its absolute worst, when I’m trying to be like you or you’re trying to be like me, like that’s, that’s a spiral downwards is horrible. So if you’re struggling with your body right now, and just the way it looks, it is so helpful to step back and realize like, Okay, our culture has a standard of beauty. And even sub cultures have standards of beauty as well. But that doesn’t mean that all of us, the body type that I have right now is what the culture is saying is the standard of beauty. I mean, who said that anyway, like, it just kind of comes through time and space, what it was 300 years ago is not what it is now, right now are in America. The standard of beauty is someone who is slender, lean, and thin. However, that is only one of three different body types. And it’s only like 33% of the population could ever even be that way. Yet, we all try to train and eat to try to become that person. And so the three different body types are in it could be something that you’ve heard before, but these are called Somato types. And we’ve got an endomorph, a mesomorph, and an ectomorph body type. And these are not shapes. This is not like your pear shaped or your box shaped or your like an apple. It’s not at all what this is this is has far more to do with your metabolic tendencies. So the way your metabolism operates, does it run fast? Is it medium? Is it slow? has a lot to do with your muscle fiber type? Do you have really short, fast, compact, powerful muscle fibers? Or do you have more endurance long, lean style muscle fiber types? These things are genetically determined God made you that way. This is a genetic tendency, chances are you’ll look a lot like the people in your family. And many of you probably have, you know, you could look at your parents and be like, I kind of resemble you know, my dad. And this way. I have similar muscles to hit him or my mom is lean and slender. And I look like her or she’s always struggled with her weight and is a lot curvier, more around and I look like her I take after her. What we don’t realize we’re saying is I have his body type, or I have her body type. And that’s a genetic tendency. So would you like me to break down the three different body types? Do we have a good idea of what they are?
Toni-Ann Mayembe 18:10
Yeah, absolutely. Let’s do that. Okay,
Megan 18:13
okay. So the endomorph body type. This is someone who tends to consider themselves curvy, or they’re on the larger size, perhaps, in a group of girls, they always feel like they’re the biggest one, you know, and this is, of course, by today’s beauty standards, not the ideal. However, it is great that we are seeing a lot more models and fitness models representing this body type, which I think is great. But this is someone that they are going to excel at, at strength, they have the muscle fiber type that is extremely powerful and strong. So if you look at a track team, this is someone that’s the shot cutter the thrower. This is someone that weight lifts, someone that does a Olympic lifting. And in a group of women as an endomorph, you will always be the absolute strongest one, and your potential, your your at your absolute fittest, you will never be skinny. And if you get to that point where you’re skinny, chances are you’re not fit, you’re not healthy, that’s not you at your healthiest. And so you can just kind of let that go and be like, Okay, I don’t have to try to pursue that anymore. I can accept the fact that I’ve got curves. I’ve got girth I’ve got, but that makes me strong. That’s what makes me powerful and strong. So the other thing that is sometimes a struggle for the endomorph is that their metabolism tends to naturally run a little slow. This is someone that might like just look at a piece of bread and feel like they put on five pounds. And so that can sometimes be a challenge but what’s great for endomorphs is that with really great training, lots of Drink training, lots of weightlifting, lots of great healthy, nutritious eating, they can actually condition their metabolism to work pretty quickly. So to pump pretty fast and hard and be very healthy. So that’s the endomorph, we’ve got her on one side, we have a mesomorph. In the middle, this is the body type that I tend to be to represent the most mesomorph. This is like on a track team, this is going to be the sprinters, these are like the 100 meter sprinters, you look at these women, they look very different than the than the throat. First, right. So these are the women that have, they’re very muscular, but they’re not large and girth, necessarily, they might have some curves, but maybe not as much as like an endomorph.
And she is one that is going to be very fast, very powerful. She has a lot of those fast twitch muscle fibers that have a large diameter, same as an endomorph, those muscle fibers just are thicker in diameter. And so she’s going to look more muscular. And I think the challenge for the mesomorph is that growing up as women, we felt like That was not a feminine look like that was masculine. And we kind of wanted to hide our muscles and all of our training, we are afraid that we would look bulky or manly. And so you know, the search results out there for how to grow, I lifted up bulk up like, oh boy, those are mesomorph searching that. And the thing is is like no, you at your absolute healthiest and fittest probably do have muscles and celebrate that and don’t try to hide them or get rid of them. And so when you put your tank tops on in the summer, like, yeah, you’re going to look muscular. And that’s fabulous. That’s fantastic. You might have big powerful size Onam. Like that makes you strong, and amazing and capable of awesome things. And so the mesomorph, she’s going to excel at strength training, circuit style stuff speed work, she’s going to feel her jam, like that’s going to where that’s gonna be where she seems like that’s going to feel really good. And then on the other side of the spectrum, we have an ectomorph and the axamer. If this is someone who’s very slender on the petite side, she has long and lean muscles because they are the slow twitch muscle fibers. They just don’t grow in diameter. And a lot of ectomorph women get frustrated because they work out hard and they try to lift weights and they’re like, I still feel like I don’t have any muscles to show for it. I still feel like I look scrawny. And so that can be really frustrating for a lot of ectomorph women, they’re like, I feel like I still like scrawny and but I just want to say like as an ectomorph, you are every bit as capable of as much strength as a lot of the other body types, you just you might have to work for it a little bit more. And you probably won’t get the definition that the other body types are capable of, especially that mesomorph. So an ectomorph classically has very fast metabolism she can she’s kind of the one, we all have this friend, it might be you where you feel like she can eat whatever she wants, and doesn’t have to worry about it. For those of us who are not an ectomorph, it can be a little annoying, but that’s a challenge for her where she doesn’t have as much incentive to eat healthy regularly yet, she still needs to, otherwise she won’t be healthy. So an ectomorph at her absolute healthiest and fittest she will be strong, she will have a fast metabolism. She’ll be great at endurance sports, but she still needs to strength train to make sure that she’s not injury prone to make sure that she feels really strong and healthy and fit. So that kind of gives you a broad overview of the main three types. And then there’s a little bit of hybrids in between you can kind of shift one direction or the other. But it’s hopefully super enlightening for a lot of people.
Toni-Ann Mayembe 24:05
Yeah, definitely. Because as you’re just talking, I was able to see where I fall in and then some my friends and family members and I was like, okay, like, now I can start like comparing myself to, you know, my bestie over here because we’re completely different body types. So that definitely felt better in knowing that and then to like you’re saying how each of the different body types will excel at different things. I think that’s helpful too, because I think a lot of times you know, at least for me, I’ll see like, oh, you know, you got to, you got to burn fat, you got to do a lot of cardio and like that might not necessarily be what your body type needs. And so I love that you brought these different body types up and help us to see, you know, the things that we can start to embrace and also some of the things that we can start to incorporate to help us to get our body He types a little bit more in our liking so that we can stop that comparison that we were talking about earlier. Yeah, absolutely.
Megan 25:06
And I think that that is the breakthrough. That’s where that light bulb moment hits it, and just what you were saying if I can be in a group of my friends, and I can stop looking at that one friend that I always felt met the beauty standards and realize, like, Oh, she might be actually an ectomorph. And in her skin, she might feel scrawny. And she might feel like she’s not very healthy. And she looks, she doesn’t like muscular. And like, we all have body image sensitivities, regardless of body type. And I think understanding how we’ve all been created different lately, and where we excel, and how I’m different than you. But that doesn’t make you better. It doesn’t make me better. Like it just, it opens our eyes to like, wow, this is, this isn’t just about, like trying to muster up this love for my body. This is so much bigger than that of understanding like, wow, this is how I was created. Now I can stop trying to change myself. And that is a really big breakthrough right there.
Toni-Ann Mayembe 26:16
Yeah, no, I love that. And, and just to kind of like tie everything all together here, Megan, just off of the conversation that we had today. Like, I know that we talked a lot about comparison, and then you helped us really break things down with the different body types. And then understanding these negative thought patterns that can mess with us when it comes to the comparison traps that we get ourselves into. But I’m just wondering, like, what do you want moms to really take away? Like, what’s the biggest thing that you would want them to hear? They hear nothing else from our conversation today? Like what is the big thing that you want them to know?
Megan 26:54
I would love to just tell each mom that’s listening, that she is capable of so much that her body is capable of so much. And she might not have any idea that the body that she’s living in right now, what it can do. And I we have this tendency, like we were saying earlier of just accepting our weaknesses. And in some regards, like that’s humility, you know, it’s kind of understanding like, I’m not perfect. And that’s, there’s other people that are capable of things more than I am. But I it can be this false humility at times that prevents us from understanding our own unique strengths and power. And pressing into that and just seeing, like, just taking that leap of faith and being like, what am I capable of? How strong can I be? How fit and healthy and put together can my body become sure there’s things right now that I feel like are less than perfect. There’s a lot of things right now. And even if I am going to work on these things, they might not become quote unquote, perfect. But boy, is it exciting to find this out. And there’s so many women that I have coached through the years where they start, they come to me and they’re, they just their first initial goal is I want to look great in my summer clothes, you know, I want to lose some weight. It’s like, okay, great. That’s, that’s a great place to start. There’s nothing wrong with that goal. But as we move along the path, we get 369 months down the road, they realize I had no idea how amazing this would feel, to be so strong, to be able to instead of to walk into a gym and grab the little pink weight. So only be lifting five counters, I now walk into the gym and I grabbed the 20s I grabbed the 20 fives, I’m now looking for the 30s that is so empowering. And it starts to matter so much more than just how you look. And you realize I did not know I was capable of all of this. And unless I had taken that step forward and just tried, I never would have discovered this. So that’s all that to say I just want each mom to listen and lean into that and understand no matter where you’re at whatever even you know, whatever feels broken. So many things can be fixed. Okay, I promise. Like, honestly, we could take those knees, we can pull that pain out and we can take your abs we can pull them back together and you have no idea what your body can do. And that is so fun and so exciting.
Toni-Ann Mayembe 29:44
Yes, yes. I love all of that. Now, Megan, I know there are moms listening who are like okay, Megan, like I’m ready. Let’s go. Let’s let’s do this. Like where can we find you online so that we can connect with you learn more about you and get into these programs that you We’re talking about
Megan 30:01
Thank you. Yeah, I would love to just share everything with everybody. But the best place to start is to head to my website, and it’s vigeo fit.com. It’s vigeo, like the word video, but with a G. So the gay of fit.com. And it’s just a huge resource. That’s where all my programs are found. And then another really great resource for people is to take my quiz that helps them unlock and figure out what their own unique body type is. So if they go to body type, dot I O, body type.io, they can take my quiz. And the cool thing about the quiz is that they can figure out what their body type is based on a bunch of great questions. And then, after they take the quiz, help walk them through, these are the problem, probably the common thoughts you’re having about your body. And this is what you can do to start maximizing your body. This is you at your healthiest this is you and you’re unhealthy. And let’s start. And I’ll even give you a meal plan that goes along with your body type. So it’s really a great way to just kind of dive in and take that first step and make sure it’s it doesn’t feel scary. So that’s where I recommend people start.
Toni-Ann Mayembe 31:14
Perfect, perfect. And I will make sure to include those links in the show notes. So if you’re listening and you’re driving, I got to just check the show notes. We’ll have them all there. Now, Meghan, this has been a really great conversation. I really appreciate everything that you shared. And yeah, this this has been so so good. So thank you so much for coming on the podcast with me today.
Megan 31:35
Thank you Toni-Ann. This has been an honor, I really had fun.
Toni-Ann Mayembe 31:40
Now that does it for this week’s episode of The Real happy mom podcast to find all of the links that were mentioned in this episode. And to learn more about what Megan has to share or even some of the ways that we can do better about comparing ourselves especially body comparison. Head on over to Real happy mom.com/ 185 for all the links in the show notes. And make sure you stay tuned for next week for another full episode. I’ll be with my guests, Diane, and we are going to be sharing about some minimalists living this summer. If that is something that you want to do better with I promise you this one is going to be a good one. A definitely want to stay tuned. So I’ll see you again next week for another episode. Take care and with lots of love.
