Do you feel like there is never enough time in the day to get things done? It doesn’t help when you hear gurus tell you just make it a priority and you will get it done. You have so many priorities and as a mom, it can get pretty stressful trying to sort things out. My guest, Cara Harvey, is here to help.
In this episode, we unpack some of the topics mentioned in her new book called The 15 Minute Formula. This book is what you need because it is a productivity book geared towards moms. Typically, most productivity books are written by men, which they’re great, but they don’t take into account a lot of the struggles of us moms.
In addition, Cara shares her story and how she even got started with A Purpose Driven Mom. And then what led her to write in the book, The 15 Minute Formula. She also talks about priorities with us, and how to use micro priorities, which was something new that I learned from her. And then lastly, we talked about seasons and how we can be more aligned in our life by knowing what season we’re in, and actually setting things up so that we can be more in alignment with the season we’re in versus trying to jam pack our days, weeks and months with things and just burn ourselves out. So if you are looking for some different ways of being more productive, you have to listen to this episode.
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About Cara
Cara is a wife, mom to a 15-year-old stepson, 6-year-old daughter, 4-year-old son, and a woman of God. She works as a mom empowerment coach and her mission is to provide women with the tools, resources, and community to reach their goals, empower themselves, find their happiness, and live a life by design. She does this via her blog, podcast, virtual community groups, and e-courses that help women learn to balance their lives, finances, schedules, health, and themselves!
Connect with Cara
Website: https://apurposedrivenmom.com
Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/cara4384
Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/findyourawesome/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/apurposedrivenmom/
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC3rmBh–3wrq9nEOs2ZcCYg
This is an Ultimate Weekly Planning Checklist printable for busy moms, plus a bonus Weekly Planning Trello board and instruction video for those that want to go digital — this checklist will help busy moms set up their week, save time running around and plan out time for self-care. Snag it here: https://www.purposedrivenmomprenuer.com/weekly-checklist-trello-board/
The book The 15 Minute Formula: How Busy Moms Can Ditch the Guilt, Say Yes to What Matters and Conquer Their Goals was just released. Get it here: https://the15minuteformula.com/free/
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Transcript of this episode
Toni-Ann Mayembe 0:05
You are listening to the real happy mom podcast, the weekly podcast for busy working moms to get inspiration, encouragement and practical tips for this journey comp motherhood. My name is Tony and and you are listening to Episode 172. Well, hey there, and welcome back to another episode of The Real happy mom podcast. I am super, super excited about today’s guests. Today, I have Cara Harvey from a purpose driven mom on the podcast today. And Cara is one of my favorite people to talk to you. Just because we have a long history together, working and collaborating together. But I also just love everything that she does and feel like we are twinsies because we think him do a lot of the same things. So super excited to have her on. Today, we are going to be talking a lot about some of the things that are in her new book called The 15 minute formula. I’m in the process of finishing up this book right now. And let me tell you, if you are looking for something that is going to help you with kind of just getting all the things together in your life, you have to read this book, The 15 minute formula is been such a lifesaver just because it is one of those productivity books, but it’s geared towards moms. And a lot of the books that I read are typically written by men, which they’re great, but they don’t take into account a lot of the struggles. And a lot of the issues that we have is moms and Kara does it beautifully in the 15 Minute formula. So you got to got to get it. Now today. In this episode, we’re going to be talking about a couple of different things. In here, she shares a little bit about her story and how she even got started with a purpose driven mom. And then what led her to write in the book, The 15 minute formula. She also talks about priorities with us, and how to use micro priorities, which was something new that I learned from her today. And then lastly, we talked about seasons and how we can be more aligned in our life by knowing what season that we’re in, and actually setting things up so that we can be more in alignment with the season we’re in versus trying to jam pack our days, weeks and months with things and just burn ourselves out. So if you are looking for some different ways of really just being more productive, just not feeling like you have to get it all done. But even giving yourself some permission. Let me tell you, this is episode that you have to listen to. I love all the guests that come on the happy mom podcast, but Kara, she has a special place in my heart. And you will see why because Kara is really going to be dropping some gems and really going to give you a lot of the permission that I think that we need as moms so that we don’t continue to beat ourselves up to shame ourselves into continuing to really not show up like we should. So I really want to empower you in Have you feel like you can do all the things not necessarily saying that you have to but you can do all the things but we just have to be a little bit smarter in the way that we’re doing things. So let’s go ahead and jump on into this week’s episode with Kara All right, so I am super excited today because I got Kara on Kara is my sister from another mister. And I’m super, super excited to have you on today. Karen, welcome back to the podcast.
Cara Harvey 3:32
Thanks for having me on. I know we’re gonna have a fun time today.
Toni-Ann Mayembe 3:35
Yeah. And I’m like super excited to care because you got a new book out like hey, like this is like a huge big deal. So yay, congrats, Cara. Yay. Um, I’m super, super excited about that and excited to talk to you about that. But before we jump into our conversation today, I want to do to share a little bit about you and what you do.
Cara Harvey 3:55
Yeah, sure. So I am a mom of three. I always start there, right? Definitely always, but my kids are now Gosh, four, six and 15. I had to think about it for a minute. And Tony. And I feel like when we met my kids were like, two and four. Yes, they were little. And they were like tiny, tiny people. I’m going to have a baby at one point. So, you know, we’ve been hanging for a while and now they’re big kids. And I am a productivity coach. I am one of those accidental entrepreneurs. I was a school teacher for eight years. And I just loved it. I loved it a lot. And right around your eight, I hit burnout. And I realized that my anxiety was getting high. It wasn’t taking care of myself. And I was really stressed out. And I remember the breaking point for me. I was the principal of our summer school program. So I was actually on an administrative track in the last day of summer school overlapped with the first day of regular school for teachers and I supposed to be in two places at once and was told to just like figure it out. And I sat in my car and I cried I was like I can’t do this anymore. Like I like actually physically can’t. So when I went home to my husband, he said that’s okay. If you don’t want to do it fine, but we have to make money. So we need a plan. And I don’t like the word hustle but that is what I did. I definitely that eighth year teaching like, worked myself to the bone to be able to make that bare minimum I needed to leave. And I did this through network marketing, I was making like a tiny amount right enough to pay for products that a lot of people do in network marketing. And I was able to then not replace my income but make enough to leave. And so I started in went full into network marketing for about three years. And on the outside, it looks really good, right? I had this like 250 person team and the six figure business and it looked great. And on the inside, I was just drowning, because I was doing all the exact same things that had burnt me out and I was teaching, you know, Inbox Zero, I was carrying my laptop around the house, I was glued to it. And I was doing them my business because I thought that that’s how you ran a business. And I realized I couldn’t do it anymore. And so right when my son was three weeks old, I said to my husband, I think I’m going to stop with network marketing and start my own business to do something different because this just isn’t working for me. And again, he said, Sure, go for it. And then I don’t know, not even a week later, he lost his job. And he was out of work for eight months. And during that eight months, we pretty much almost lost it all we must file bankruptcy, I was sitting in line with the food bank every week. I mean, we really went through it. And I was trying to grow a business, dealing with postpartum anxiety and depression, a newborn. And this struggle of I feel like my heart wants me to go into this own business. I don’t want to leave this and what am I going to do so fast forward. Now it’s been almost five full years with a purpose driven Mom, where I found my stride in productivity. And I get to help overwhelmed moms, because I know what it is like to have a million things on your plate and pulled in a million directions, I get to help them figure out a plan that makes sense for them without shame without guilt without feeling like you have to just give all to your kids and nothing for you. But also while getting the laundry done and the dishes and all those big things and going up your dreams at the same time.
Toni-Ann Mayembe 6:52
Yes, yes, you are speaking my language. And one of the things that that I love is that you shared some of your story in the book, which I was sitting there reading like yeah, Kara, tell them tell them. And the one thing that I wanted to talk to you about, in particular, in your story is how, when you’re at that point where you were home with your son, and you would see your husband leave in feel resentful towards him because I was the opposite. I was the one going to work, my husband got to stay home. And I was resentful towards him. I was like, you get to stay home live your best life, like I got to go to work. And literally all I did was go to work, come home, go to work come home. So I had nothing outside of that. But every time I came home, my husband was happy. My son was always happy. He never wanted to come to me only when I was breastfeeding them. There’s only time he wanted me only when his daddy. So I totally could relate to that. And I was just wondering like, what was like kind of the the the light bulb that went off? Or what changed to make you get out of that, that space of feeling resentful and actually start to change and actually start being happy again.
Cara Harvey 7:55
Yeah, it’s real. And I don’t think enough of us talk about it. Right? I that story you’re saying I mean, in the book, I talk about that. It’s actually like the introduction of the book. So even if you just pick it up at the bookstore, and you read the first introduction, I you know, many moms emailing me telling me, that’s what made me pick up the book was I saw myself in in that introduction. And it’s because it’s real. It’s because we as moms, we live our lives. And we feel like we don’t have what the other person has, or we’re feeling lonely, and we’re feeling all these things. And we do start to feel resentful. Like it was not easy for me to admit, in this book to all these people like I hated my husband’s on days, because I was like, you get to talk to people. And I’m in here. And I don’t even know my goals. I don’t know my dreams. I don’t know when I showered last. And you get to live this this life that I want. And it’s interesting that you say you were the opposite, too, because I think a lot of times, we don’t allow ourselves to feel like as aligned as we want in life because we think it has to be one way or the other. When really that’s not the case like it the alignment piece comes from, okay, I go to work, I’m fulfilled at my job. I like this. And then I go home, and I’m focused on my family. And I think that was a big shift for me was realizing that I didn’t have to just give it all to my family at all times that I was permitted. didn’t need anyone to give me the permission, but I gave it to myself to do things for me, even if they were small, little things, even if I made a goal in those beginning stages of I’m going to get a shower and if that means putting the bouncer in the bathroom. And again two kids under two my kids are 21 months apart, right? So I two littles at the same time, putting the bouncer on letting the kid up the tablet without feeling guilty, because I knew that that small step of taking that shower and getting myself together was going to make me feel better. And I think I just got to the point where I had lost myself and I remember the same thing happened when I had my daughter. But when I went to the doctor, when I had my daughter, the doctor was like this is just like baby blues, like it’s you’re fine. And I pushed into productivity because I thought, Oh, this is not normal. I don’t want people to think I don’t enjoy being a mom. I don’t want people to said, you know, I can’t handle it. And so I said, let me just be busy and ignore. And I know now looking back that I was still struggling with PPD with my daughter, but I just didn’t get any help with it. And I instead buried myself and work. And I remember sitting on a word called or my network marketing these same somebody, like I just don’t get it. Like, I just don’t feel like myself, like I used to feel so driven and have all these goals. And now I just I don’t know where they went. And that should have been a red flag for me. Because I realized that was the piece that was missing. Like, there was nothing in my day for me. And I had gotten really lost along the way. So whether you’re staying at home, working outside of the home, or whatever you’re doing, if you don’t have a piece for you in your day, whether it’s 15 minutes, which do the books called the 15 Minute formula, like everything is in 15 minute chunks, like if you don’t have that, that is when you’re going to get lost. That is when things will not feel aligned. And it doesn’t have to be that you take like an entire spa day, every single day for yourself. But it’s do you have that space. And I think moms out there listening, if you’re thinking like, yeah, I feel resentful, I feel lost, I feel sad. Like I’m feeling unfulfilled, I think we know that feel that pull up. And again, there’s like normal day to day discontent, like that’s just like life. But you know, when it becomes this piece where you hit a breaking point. And I think so I’m teaching this new coaching program, this is not in the book, but But I will say it has worked for Book Two, I already have Book Two idea. And it’s this stuff I teach in this coaching program, but we talk about this thing called the change cycle. And now inside the change cycle, we start with getting just like, done, right, you’re like this is enough, like I can’t handle this anymore. And what happens is we get so fed up. And I think when you get to this point, that’s when you know, you need something for you that we’re ready to change. So we get excited, right? New Year’s happens, we get excited, we want all these things. Well, then we start to make some changes in our life. And we’re in this like honeymoon period of it. But something hits us halfway through the change. And that’s fear, fear of failure, feel of judgment, fear of success, fear that you won’t be able to handle it. Fear of this is hard, right? Like I’m trying to change my habits. And this is challenging for me. And we get what’s called amnesia where we forget how bad it actually was. Like we forget how bad it was at our breaking point. And then we go right back to just living in discontent because it’s, quote, our norm, and it’s not our norm, and it doesn’t have to be our norm. And so I just think for me, it was really this like breaking point of, I know that I cannot live like this every day anymore. And I have to make some change. And it literally started with like a shower.
Toni-Ann Mayembe 12:27
With a shower. I love it. I love it. You know and carat like like I was saying, for me it was the opposite. And I like remember like to I was like, it’s hard for me to say but I did not like my husband, I was like, I can’t stand you like I want to put you in a place every day. And it was because I was unhappy. And I just would look at him. And he’d be smiling and happy and just like doing whatever he wanted to do. And I just felt like I was trapped in. I didn’t even remember like the things that used to make me happy. So honestly, like, it just took like, I know, a lot of times people will look at me and be like, oh, you know, you’re being selfish. But no, like, I needed to do something for myself. And I’m so glad that you said that. Like even if it’s just 15 minutes doing something for yourself, because that can make a huge difference. And I think that that’s where it started where I just started doing things just for myself just because I wanted to not because my husband needed me to do it not because my son needed me to do it. Not because the house needed something fixed. Like I just did something just because I wanted to. And that led to me getting out of that funk that I was in. So I’m so glad that you said that. And it kind of leads into what I wanted to talk to you next about with the the 15 Minute formula. Because honestly, like when I was thinking about you when you were talking about the book, and I remember you were making mention of like, oh, I want to write a book and I was thinking like okay, let me guess what Karen’s gonna write about. So of course, I was like, I was thinking like something around like how to be like a productivity ninja like kara Because Gary be getting it. But then you came out with the title of 50 minute formula. And I’m like, Huh, interesting, Kara. So you’re definitely gonna have to share with us like, why 15 minutes? And what made you go with 15 minute formula?
Cara Harvey 14:12
Yeah, well, I actually I want to share the book creation story a little bit. I’ll cliffnotes it, but I love to share it because it’s a God moment for me. So I don’t ever think I’ve ever said I want to write a book. Like you know, people have it on a bucket list. I am not that I used to actually joke. When I got into my business. I was a blogger. Like I never saw myself as a business owner for a while. And I was like, I’m one of those bloggers who like I don’t want to book I want a TED Talk. Like I would prefer to speak and I didn’t want to write anything. And all of a sudden this idea came to me and it came because I was searching for books for my book club in my membership. We do a book club once a month. And I couldn’t find anything for moms everything productivity out there was like hustle 5am Go go go is that this real masculine energy business like that, but there really wasn’t anything out there and there’s a few Now, but there’s really not that much out there that is geared towards like a mom, because it’s different for us like, it is different. And we try to pretend like it’s not, but it is different. And I thought, Okay, I’m gonna do this. So it was actually right around my summit last year. So it was March. And I feel like I was even on one of my calls where I just said, I think I’m gonna do it. Like, I think I’m gonna just write a book, or something, maybe next year or whatever, because I have my 2021 plans, like I already have them mapped out. And so I said, out loud on a Friday, I never even told her, I was a God, if you want me to write a book, like send me some science, and then I’ll start researching it. For next year, I teach a concept that I actually realized I didn’t write about in the book. And so my club members, they were like, You need to have an extra bonus chapter in the audio book. So I’m working on an A bonus chapter because I missed this whole huge concept. But it’s called Learn, plan and do where instead of jumping into a goal, you start in those phases. So I said, I’ll go into learning phase this year, because that’s a huge project. And I’ll do it next year. That was what I said, I said, But show me some sites. So on Monday, I got this email is from one of my virtual mentors that like, you know, you don’t know, but to get their emails, and it was still their whole list. It was Mike McCalla wits who were like Profit First and clockwork. But you know, if you’re familiar with those books, and the subject line was, I want to help you write your book. And I was like, what, what that looks like assigned to me. And so Tony, let me tell you, so I started reading the email. And it’s everyone, obviously, but he’s running an in person like author 101 workshop. And it only had 10 people because of COVID. And it was in New Jersey, like, I could walk from my sister’s house, to the location, like, that’s how close it was right. And I always do this after my summit, I teach these like seasons inside the book, and one of them is a season of like rest. And so after my summit, I always take a day or two, just like off and this year, I said to my husband, I’m gonna go to a hotel, and I was like, I think I’m gonna go to a hotel and do like an overnight for two nights, or one night or whatever, on these two days. So I picked the date, the date of this workshop was the same exact time, the exact same dates. And I was like, I mean, I must apply for this, right? Like, I don’t need I can’t not apply for this, like I asked for a sign. And here it is. But again, in my head, I was still in this like a research phase. And so I went to this two day workshop. And it was pretty much everything I would have gotten in like a book writing one on one course, which is what I was planning on finding but it was in person 10 people, I got to like sit next to Mike at lunch, he’s become a personal mentor of mine. And like, it’s just been really cool. And I learned the phases of writing and all that I needed. And I left there saying, I’m an author, like, I’m going to do this. And I planned out the book. And so I use all the techniques that I talked about in the book planning in 15 minute chunks, giving yourself buffer time giving yourself space. And I was able to take the book from idea to published in nine months, which is wild like and I don’t realize how crazy it is until I talk to people and they make the face you just made it me like holy moly, because people that want to write books, like they want to write books for me like it’s a long process. And I went with self publishing because I realized in traditional publishing, um, it would take years for the book to come out. And I knew that moms needed it now. And during the book writing process, I joined a book writing program. And I had a book coach, and he’s he’s a great guy, but he’s, he’s married no kids. And he kept saying, When I finished the manuscript so fast, he was like, Oh, you could have this come up by Thanksgiving, you could have just come by and he kept pushing, like you could have come out early, haven’t come out early. And I said, this is why we need this. This is why the book is needed. Because and I said this to him, I said, Listen, I really like you, dude. But I’m going to tell you something right now. I made a vision for the year. And I know my mom. And my mom is not thinking about herself in December, and in November, right? She’s swamped with the holidays. But that the book came out the third week in January, except for the third week in January, the goal she had for herself at that vision board January 1, she’s forgotten them because a kid is sick, the dog needs, whatever, it’s gone. And that’s when she needs the book. And I said the reason this book is needed is because of this masculine energy of just because you can you should hustle and I said, if I wanted to get the book out in November, I most certainly could have. But I would have been stressed out, I wouldn’t have had buffer time for life to happen, which I needed or mistakes I would have it would have been rushed. And it wouldn’t have been what was needed. And so that’s like the little bit of the backstory. But the name of the 15 minutes we were like came from exactly this. We feel a society that like we have to just go bigger go home. And I think what is important for us moms is to realize that small steps matter sometimes more than the big stuff, and 15 minutes is this like magical time that I can wasted very easily staring into space scrolling tick tock, I don’t know, I could waste 15 minutes very easily. But I can do a small task in 15 minutes that maybe doesn’t feel like it’s that much. But it doesn’t feel like a stress. It doesn’t feel like a strain. I could put on a couple songs on my playlist. And it will make a difference and it makes a difference over time. And so I found that teaching moms this 15 minute concept has been a game changer in not only their progress, but their money mindset and their confidence that they can show up for themselves. And that those small chunks, we like to not say like Don’t say like, it’s just 15 minutes and I catch myself sometimes when I’ll say to like, it’s only 15 minutes, right? It’s 15 minutes. And that 15 minutes is important.
Toni-Ann Mayembe 20:14
Yes, yes. Like you said so many things in there. Oh, my goodness. Yes. Yes to the 15 minutes, because I will be honest with you when I broke some things down because I think even one time when I talked to you, you’re like, Okay, Tony. And like, you have this big goal. Now let’s break it on down and then like, break those things on down. And then like, I could see like, oh, shoot, like, I can knock this out this out this out. And literally, it was like five things I could do, like, in a day, but like just looking at it, you would think like, I think that’s a lot like, Well, how do you have time for that? But those 30 minute chunks was, was the key. So I Yes, yes. To the 15 minutes. I’m so like, so? Yes, I’m just to all of it. Now, the one thing that you said too, was that as far as like that, that masculine energy, like a lot of times, it will be you know, like you said the hustle, hustle, hustle, like, let’s do it, let’s get it done faster, quicker, you know, like, Let’s go in. The other thing that I hear too, is like, Oh, just prioritize it. Like, just just make it a priority. And you know, you can get it done in that. Like, I’ll be honest, I was guilty of that at one point. But I know now, like sometimes don’t even even like know how to do that, like, so what I wanted to talk to you about, you know how that phrase is a disservice to moms and then to like, what we could do different?
Cara Harvey 21:29
Yeah. Oh, you know, and I was guilty of it too. Like I raised my hand to it. And Facebook memories man really just gets you doesn’t it? Not only is it like super embarrassing the stuff I was posting and like 2009 Like, I don’t even know what I how I was using Facebook. But then I see all these things from when I was in network marketing, and even the beginning of my business up until the past couple years, I was doing the same thing. And it was like this toxic positivity of if you don’t want it bad enough, like, you know, you’ve got to show up and blah, blah, and it’s so shame based. And I think we as moms have enough shame coming at us that we need to give ourselves a break. It’s not about the fact that it’s not important to us that we’re not prioritizing it, right? Is that if I was asking mom, like, what’s your top priority? Was she gonna say are family like nine times out of 10? Like it’s gonna be or families in the top three, right? So by telling a mom, you don’t like know how to prioritize, or you don’t want it bad enough, like you’re saying that their family doesn’t matter. Like it’s just such a shame cycle inside of our minds. But the other thing that I noticed, so this like twofold, right? One is by saying like, what’s your priority, and having them focus on one really just helps them like feeling like guilty when they work on their other goals, because they’re not focusing on their top priority, but also it has them not doing other things. Because every day, they’re like, you know, the concept of like the big three, right? Like, I teach it a little differently, because it’ll be like, Okay, pick your three big things for the day, well, I’m going to pick my three priorities for the day, my kids, my this, my that what goes at the end of the list, all the stuff I need to do for my goals. And if you keep doing this every single day, your goals are just gonna keep getting put off, because instead you’re prioritizing what I believe is incorrectly, you prioritize them too large. So I encourage moms to create micro priorities and use them inside blocks that teach time blocking system. And it is about the breakdown, I’m gonna tell you right now, people are resistant to the breakdown, they’re like, this is gonna take too long, I don’t wanna do the break. So take a breath with me if you’re listening and just know this work will pay off for you. Because you’re going to have it in a way that makes sense for your brain. And so in micro priorities, instead of saying, What’s your priorities right now, this day, this month, a quarter of the year, it’s what roles and categories Am I playing this month? But what do I have to do? Look at the next month and say, Alright, I’m mom. And I’m a wife. And I’ve got this at work. And I, you know, have this for my health, or I have this for my finances, like interchange the roles and the categories. And then ask yourself, If I could only accomplish three things, small things, that we’re not doing three big things, three small things for each of these, what would it be? Now you might be left with a list of like 20 things. And that feels overwhelming to people. But I’m going to tell you something, if you break it down small enough, there are 20 small tasks that you can do that will move you every day towards where you want to go. Not, I’m going to go run a marathon this month, it’s I’m going to do two runs a week. That is where we want to start looking and allowing yourself to use my priorities is going to allow you to not just always go on this rinse and repeat cycle of like what am I kids need today? What does my husband need today? Like what do I have to accomplish for work? But okay, what’s one task I can do for my family was one task I can do for my, my spouse? What’s one task I can do for this work thing? What’s one thing I can do for my health, tiny, tiny movements, and then as you move into planning that into your day, that’s where I use time blocking. I say inside your time blocks, you put three tasks Max inside each block, and I like to teach a concept of like theming them like you might have like a self care blog, you might have a family blog with all those things so you know where the goals go. and you start to move slowly towards your goals in tiny, tiny chunks, and realize that you’re ditching your perfectionism, right like that all or nothing mentality is leaving, because it’s not about doing it all. It’s about tiny steps every single day. And it’s not about doing it every day either. Which is a whole nother like rant I could go on, but I don’t believe you should schedule anything for seven days a week. And I know this is like a productivity No, no, like 21 days to make habit. I understand all that. But I’m going to tell you something. I’m very driven. I know my personality. Like I love productivity. I also like Netflix, I’m also tired. I also have three kids, right. And there are days where we get home late from basketball practice, and I don’t feel like loading the dishwasher. So I don’t want to shame myself. Because I said I was going to do it seven days, or I’m a failure. What I actually encourage is five days is a nice Max there, because you’re giving yourself a two day buffer for life to happen. Like for yourself to not want to do something. And it gives you this freedom of knowing you don’t have to show up perfectly for every priority every day, you can completely customize it. And honestly, you don’t even have to start with five, you can start with one day for some of those things. Like, again, it’s not about doing them all at once. It’s about making a strategic plan for what makes sense for you this month, season quarter. And kind of writing that along.
Toni-Ann Mayembe 26:19
Yes, yes, yes. And when you’re talking about that, too, it made me think about the the chapter in your book about seasons too, because I think a lot of times as moms, we forget about that, which is another episode that I’m going to be talking about. So I don’t want to get too deep into it. But I did want to bring that up because you explained it beautifully. Because I think a lot of times we forget that there are different seasons in our life, not necessarily going with the calendar. But it could be you know, for weeks, months, years, the seasons can last and right now I’m in a season where I’m doing this class that is kicking my butt. Sorry for your kids are in the car. But it is hard and like I can’t show up and other places how I want to because it’s taking so much time and I literally almost had a meltdown with my husband. Because I got this like ridiculous headache on a Friday. And it lasted like I felt like the whole week. And I never get headaches. So I had to go to urgent care. They gave me a shot. They got better, I’m feeling better. But I feel like I wasn’t showing up. Like I’m supposed to like, I wasn’t able to get my assignments while I got them done. But they were like, halfway done. I felt like I was doing a halfway job at work halfway job at home like, but then I had to tell myself like Tony and like, you couldn’t even function like properly. So like, let it go. And so I had to like give myself the permission. Like it’s okay. Like if you didn’t show up in all the places like, Are your kids still alive? Or they fed? Like, do you still like have a job? Like? Yes, yes, yes. Okay, you’re doing okay. And so I had to, like, tell myself like to calm down and loose. Ah, but I think a lot of times too, like we forget about those seasons, like, whether it be like the kids getting sick, or, you know, like I said, I’m taking that class, or maybe you are taking the elderly taking care of an elderly family member or whatever the case is. We forget about those things. We try to jam pack our days, like, oh, yeah, I can do it, I can do it. And we get all these things done. And then, like you said, like with those micro priorities, I think it really helps like shift things so that we’re not burning ourselves out. Because I see that so much. When moms like they push, push, push until they have nothing left to give. And then it is not pretty when they get to that point. So I love all of that. But definitely wanted you to touch a little bit on the seasons and how important it is for us to be mindful of those seasons. And how we can identify those seasons too. Because I think a lot of times sponsor like seasons, like what between seasons?
Cara Harvey 28:40
Yes. Okay, so a couple things I want to say before we dive into that. And the first one is, forget your calendar. I like your calendar. I like your planner, I love a planner, like I’m a planner junkie, I bet a little planner graveyard, right. But it’s a planner, it’s a calendar, if you don’t have your quarter set up before the quarter starts started the next week, if your plan is not done for Monday, do it on Tuesday. And I think we get married to the fact that like, but I don’t have my February goals right now. So I can’t do them this month. Everything I’m talking about is is based on your life and not the calendar. So I want to say that because if I give an example that’s like quarter one or the month, pick and choose. But the other thing I want to say is a lot of what I teach is this mix of intentionality plus grace, I think it’s like, I don’t want to get to the end of the day and throw my hands in the air and be like whatever, right? I want to say I tried. And I’m okay with what I did. And we’re moving on and I that’s what I want for moms like not to feel hopeless, right, but to feel intentional. And that was exactly like I gotten COVID The day of the book launch. And I have been out and I still know that I never get headaches and I had this headache for three weeks now. And it’s like a dull headache all day long. And I’m like I said to my husband where I’m like, I just want to feel like me again. Like I can not show up in full capacity. Like we’re going to get done talking and I’m gonna need to rest like I’m gonna have to sit down for a while because I know my body is just different now and I I was really proud of myself because I didn’t beat myself up over it. I napped a lot. Last week, it was like, my second week or whatever, of COVID. And so every day I took a nap. And I didn’t worry myself for being lazy, or any of that, because I knew it was a season that I was in and I was like, Great, I’m gonna feel better soon. But right now I need to take care of myself. And the rest will get done when it gets done. And I want to encourage everybody listening, like remind yourself that whether you’re having a newborn and you’re just like, I just want to pee, like my goals right now. Or like shower and pee. Or like you said, taking care of an elderly parent and you’ve got different goals, or your kids have just started school or you’ve got you’re an empty nester now like everyone’s goals are different based on their seasons. So there’s a couple ways we’re going to look at seasons, we’re gonna get a little meta, so follow with me already. So we’ve got our big seasons right now. Yes. Could we talk about like their summer, spring and fall, sometimes that that fits like the way we want to plan? Like maybe you want to play in your summer season out or sports season or whatever that looks like. You also get your seasons of life. Like I mentioned, you could have a newborn like I had a kid I have a kindergartener this year and a ninth grader. So we’re like in both seasons, and I’m like, I don’t know what I’m doing right now. Right. And so we’ve got those seasons too. But you also have to start to look at your seasons and ask yourself, are these aligned? I don’t use the word balanced. Because I think when we think balanced, we think like this pretty like pie chart, where everything’s equal. And it’s not that it’s about alignment. It’s about what do I need in this season? And what is that going to look like? And I actually encourage you first identify, like, for the next couple months, like, where am I at. So for quarter one, for me, always, even without the book is busy works isn’t like it is work, go go go. And now we’ve got the book. And we’ve got the summit, and a whole bunch of other stuff that we’re trying to do in between. Okay, I know that that is not the time for me to put like a huge home goal on my plate. But what I used to do was think, of course, I have to put a big goal because everyone puts decluttering on their calendar for quarter one, so I must do it too. But I realized that does not make sense. So my goals for quarter one, their self care goals, because I pre identified I made a vision is that I knew this quarter, the quarter was gonna be nuts, I want to make sure I’m taking care of myself. So that’s what I focused on. And family goals, because I knew that I’d be working extra hours and I want to just make sure I get some more family time. Those are the goals I focus on based on my season. Now the other thing that I encourage you to do when you’re making this, like long term vision is to add in a couple of mini seasons to make it feel aligned, this is going to help with the burnout and the overwhelm. And there’s four seasons that I teach that, as I say them think about which one you go into default, everybody defaults to one. So we’ve got our season of push, because I don’t like the word hustle, because it has to happen, right? Like right now you’re probably in a season of push with this class, like, you’ve got to get the stuff done, we’ve got a season of planning, which nobody likes to do, because they don’t wanna plan anything, and nobody will take the time to plan. Um, but for me, like planning is my procrastination tool. So I tend to default into planning, like, I can make a Trello board at anything. And I’m like, Well, I love to plan. But the other seasons are seasons of rest and seasons of fun. And if we don’t add these seasons in, we will default to one. And then life won’t feel alone. So maybe you’re somebody who I don’t know the Enneagram that well, but I feel like Enneagram sevens are like fun. They’re like fun driven people, right? So maybe that’s you and you’re like, Oh yeah, I default to fun all the time. But the the detriment of that is that maybe I’m not planning like I should, or getting the work done my husband, he’s a nine, which is like, very slow moving. very opposite of me, I’m a three, so he’s like a nine. So he defaults to rest more, I default more to like the planning or the push. And there’s nothing wrong with your default, I want to say this. But if you know which one you default to, you then can decide how much time you need of that great, my husband knows he needs more rest, to be able to feel like not overwhelmed and burned out. And that’s okay, like that’s just who you are. But then you can also make sure you’re still doing the others because all four seasons have to happen to be like a functioning happy like content person. And you will burn out if you just do one of them all the time. So let’s even look at an example of a week, pretend your season is like this week, and you’re looking at everything week by week or even month by month. Ask yourself, Do I have those four things in you can even have it in a day like you can even look at one day and say do I have these four things. And so for me, we always do. Push is kind of like my Monday through Thursday. So Monday through Thursday for me home and work is like we’re doing we’re going we’re kind of just like moving in group. I’m getting all this small Tesla and I work on my personal goals, mostly Monday through Thursday. If I’m taking a course or whatever I’m doing. I always keep Fridays for planning. And this is planning in my business. This is planning in my home making the grocery lists like all that I give myself a day to kind of close up shop on the week, plan out the next week and do those things. And it allows me to feel more aligned because I’m not just going going going all the time. But I know that I have time I’m going to plan stuff out because if we don’t stop and plan out our goals and things like that, then we’re just going to get into the point where we’re not breaking things down and they’re too big. Now those two are easy for me where I need to push Myself is rest in fun. Like I’m not like actually a very fun person. If you like lovers, I feel like I’m very serious. I don’t know how to have fun naturally. So I have to force myself to be like, go do something fun, like go to book club, or we have a date night tonight like, or real to read. So like, that’s my default. So adding in some fun, so I make sure on Saturdays, I don’t plan anything except something to do. Let’s just find maybe we do a family outing, maybe I go out with my friends or a date night, I just plan something that’s enjoyable for me. And then I use Sundays as kind of my rest day where I’m not doing a ton of stuff I could nap if I feel like it after church or I just move at a slower pace. And by having my season being that week, I know them aligned because I have it all built in. Now it doesn’t have to be full day. Listen, I still meal prep on Sundays, I pick up on my clothes, I still do those things. But I just make sure I have a little bit of a focus there. So that I feel more aligned. You can expand that to your month, how many hours in your month, you have some days of all four of those things, you will end them on feeling like you can breathe because you haven’t just been you default. You haven’t just been pushing all the time or procrastinating with planning or you know, shirking your responsibilities or just like not moving like you’d like to, it allows you to live in a lined life that’s customizable for your season and not life in default.
Toni-Ann Mayembe 36:20
Yes, yes. Love, love. Love that. Now, Kara, I’m gonna, we’re gonna start wrapping things up. But it’s a couple more things I got to ask you about? So one, what is the big takeaway that you want moms to come out with from reading the 15 Minute formula?
Cara Harvey 36:37
Oh, that’s such a great question. I want a mom to end the book. Like, first I wanted to, like close it and feel like we were just hanging out, like having coffee together. Like, that’s the feel I want. So I hope everyone feels you are not alone in your struggles. But also that it is possible for you to create a schedule where you’re able to get your day to day responsibilities done, and work on your goals. And you’ve got this and guess what if you don’t, that’s okay, too. Like it is okay. And you don’t have to have it all together all the time. But you also don’t have to be, except the fact that things like you know, people get into that, like life sucks all the time. Or like, that’s just we don’t have to live like that either. Like, there really can be a place where you meet in the middle. It’s called alignment.
Toni-Ann Mayembe 37:25
Yes, yes. And I like that word alignment. Because I think I use the word balance a lot, too. And I think what I mean when I say balance is more of the harmony and the alignment that you’re talking about. And so I like alignment better. I like that word better. So yes, thank you for bringing that one up. And then next thing, you mentioned the summit, he said plan in the summit, and we’re when this goes out, the summit is going to be coming up in March. So I just wanted you to talk to us a little bit about the summit, what we can expect and who, what, when, where, why all that good stuff.
Cara Harvey 37:55
Yeah, well, toniann is like a summit OG for us. She’s been at our events, and she’ll be on a panel this year. So make sure you come hang out with her there. The purpose of her mom’s Summit. It kind of came like the same reasons the book came like I didn’t see anything for moms in the way wanted to This is our fifth year running this event, which is just wild to think about five years of this, and it is March 28 through April first. It is an absolute free event to join. And we have speakers talking about how you can make great routines in your homes every single day as themes. We have a day on self care a day on goals a day on your kids home, and on Tuesday this year, we’re actually doing something different. We decided to do a choose your own adventure day. So there’s more presentations, but you can pick a track. And so we have a homeschooling track, a working mom track and an empty nester track because I find that those are the people that come to me and I want us to be able to give them something special. And then every night we have pajama party panels. Where we do q&a is there’s a lot of prizes. There’s a lot of fun. It is a great community. And I’m excited Tonio is going to come back and hang out with us this year, so I know she’ll have some links for you. But we would love to see you at the event because we typically get around 4000 people so this year we decided to double it and we’re aiming for eight
Toni-Ann Mayembe 39:09
Yes, yes. And your summit honestly like it’s like I think the best summit out there for moms. And I just went back and looked Kara so I don’t know if you remember it was 2019 when I yeah, I went back and looked because I remember getting your email like hey, I want to collaborate with you and I was thinking like girl you don’t want me because this was in the infancy stage of real happy mom. But I’m so glad that we connected I really think it was a good thing to that we got connected because I was like Kara I can’t talk about that like yeah you got it just go ahead just you can do it so um yeah it’s been really fun. The the summit I love the summit one does like the best speakers there too to the prizes are amazing in three. It’s just so much fun and the community aspect is crazy like the ladies in this summit, like when I tell you that Facebook group is like five And ladies are really having a great time in there. And it’s a lot of interaction. So definitely, we’ll be putting links in there in the show notes for the summit. So thank you for sharing about that. Now, Kara always asked us one last question. And is if you have any words or encouragement, or even a motivational quote for us real happy mom, before we sign
Cara Harvey 40:20
off? Yeah, you know, I said it when I talked about, like, how I want people to know about the book, but I just want to reiterate this piece, because it’s not a message that’s out there for moms, but you can do it, like whatever it is, you can do, but you don’t have to. And if you don’t do it, that’s fine. It’s fine. Give yourself some grace. You were doing the best that you can
Toni-Ann Mayembe 40:44
do. That one was good. I like that. You can do it. But you don’t have to. Hey, Kara, this has been so good. Oh, my goodness, I love talking to you. And I’m so excited for you in this book. And if you’re listening, you gotta get it. It is a good one. Like I said, I am almost done with it. It’s really good. And you know, I’m supposed to be reading for my assignments. Like, you should see. Let me show you this book real quick, Kara. I know y’all can’t see it. But look, I don’t read. And this is a big book. And these are like really funny words. I got to read this in like a week like, this is not for me. But I’m finding time to read cares book.
Cara Harvey 41:22
Good. Well, I’m glad. And if you want to grab it, the 15 Minute formula, it’s over on Amazon and Barnes and noble.com. And if you’re in the Philadelphia area, I’m doing a book signing on March 12, the new Shemini, Barnes and Noble, which is just, I didn’t even tell this part of my story. But I like used to work there. And my husband’s at work. It’s like a whole, it’s a whole full circle, another God moment for me. But you can go to the 15 Minute formula.com/free. There’s a workbook there. And I don’t know if you’ve seen the workbook yet, but it is accompanies the book. It’s beautiful, I have to say. But one of the things I did inside the workbook was I broke the book down into five days a week of reading for 15 minutes a day. And I give you a reading guide. Because I want moms to take the book and make it more than something pretty on their shelf, I want them to use this reading guide, show them maybe this is the first step of showing up for yourself is I’m gonna read this book, I’m gonna follow this schedule so that I can get through it. And there’s a whole bunch of PDFs and things and even if you don’t get the book, the workbooks helpful. It’s got like a word of the year chart, like ultimately, tons of good stuff in it.
Toni-Ann Mayembe 42:20
Yes, yes. And I’ll make sure to include all those links in the show notes. Now care, where can we find you if you want to connect with you learn more about you all that good stuff.
Cara Harvey 42:28
Short. My podcast is called The Purpose Driven moms show. So if you’re listening here, you’re probably a podcaster. So come and hang out over there. And Instagram is my favorite to chat. So if you listen today, do me a favor. I’m at a purpose driven mom, send me a DM and let me know you heard today. We can like voice chat back and forth. I really love to connect with everybody on Instagram the best.
Toni-Ann Mayembe 42:47
Yes, yes. Again, I’ll include those links in the show notes. Kara, thank you so much for coming on. This has been a real tree and I really appreciate you.
Cara Harvey 42:56
I know thank you. I feel like we could talk for like hours. Oh, yes.
Toni-Ann Mayembe 43:00
Now that does it for this episode of the happy mom podcast to get the links in show notes for this episode, head on over to Real happy mom.com/ 172. And I hope now you have seen the reason why I love Kara so much. And really see that this book is really going to help transform, transform things in your life. So make sure you grab a copy of that book. It is so good, I promise you, you will be a different and better person because of it. So get the book 15 minute formula. Like I said, All the links are in the show notes. And also make sure that you stay tuned for the purpose driven moms Summit. That is like one of my favorite events of the year. And it is coming up next month. And I promise you you will hear about it from me. You’ll hear both here. So don’t worry about having to put anything in your calendar. Just make sure that you stay tuned to the podcast, because I’ll be talking about it as soon as it comes up. It will be at the end of the month in March. All right. So that’s it for this week. Stay tuned for next week for another episode. Take care and with lots of love
