Real Happy Mom

Practical tips and encouragement for moms

How to Uncover the Joy in Motherhood

Motherhood is one tough job. But there is joy in motherhood that you can experience every day.

Check out this episode with my guest Katie as she shares:

  • Some of her experiences of being a mom
  • How we are able to have more meaningful connections with our kids.
  • How we can keep our joy bucket filled so that we can show up and be awesome moms.

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About Katie

Katie Hedrick is a Certified Life Coach and host of the Stepping Into a Joy-Filled Life podcast. She’s also an iced coffee drinker, wife and mom of three. As you can imagine, Katie spends her days chasing her kids and her dreams, and helping other moms to do the same!

Connect with Katie

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Transcript of this episode

Real Happy Mom 0:02
Hey there, and welcome to another episode of the Real Happy Mom podcast, the weekly podcast for busy working moms to get inspiration, encouragement, and practical tips for this journey called motherhood. My name is Tony and and you are listening to episode number 138. Hey there, I want to be the first to say Happy Mother’s Day. If you are in the US, it is Mother’s Day. And today we are celebrating as moms. And hopefully you’re getting some time off because being a mom is a full time job. It’s 24 seven, and it’s nice to get a break. So Happy Mother’s Day. I hope you’re getting some rest. And I’m so glad that you’re tuning in today. Because today I have a very special episode with my friend Katie, who is going to be sharing with us how we can find the joy in motherhood. Now in today’s episode, Katie shares with us some of her experiences of being a mom, especially over the past 13 years, and how we are able to have more meaningful connection with our kids. Because let’s just be honest, we don’t want to wait till our kids are grown up. We want to make sure that we establish those connections now. And then lastly, she shares with us how we can keep our joy bucket filled so that we can show up and be an awesome mom. Now, make sure that you take some time to relax. But while you are relaxing, kick your feet up and listen to this episode with myself and Katie. So let’s go ahead and jump on into this week’s episode.

Real Happy Mom 1:39
Already, Katie, welcome to the podcast.

Katie 1:43
Hey, girl, I’m so excited to be here.

Real Happy Mom 1:45
Yes, I am super pumped to have you and I really just jump into this conversation. But before we do, I wanted you to share a little bit about you and what you do.

Katie 1:56
Yeah, so I am a certified life coach. I’m a wife and a mom to three awesome kiddos. My business journey has been really interesting. My husband and I have been married for 15 years. And essentially I’ve kind of been living in a man’s world so to speak. We run a commercial roofing company, as well as a company that sells roofing equipment, a piece of roofing equipment that my husband invented and patented called the roof rabbit. So for the past 13 years, we’ve been doing all things Commercial Roofing, and really, like I said, I’ve been in this man’s world. And then in 2018, some doors opened, I’ve been doing some public speaking, and the doors open for me to start a blog in 2018 to start speaking into the lives of women. So it was really funny because I’m the most non millennial millennial that you’ll ever meet. And I did not know how to start a blog, I didn’t know how to build a web, a website. And I didn’t even have an Instagram account at that time. So it was quite the adventure. So I stepped through that open door. I started the blog, I ended up then launching a podcast this past summer, it’s called stepping into a joyful life. And I also got my my life coaching certification this past December. So it’s like stepping through that door open more and more doors. And the thing that I’m really excited about really lights me up is speaking into the lives of women. And it’s really fun because I’m now in that space. And I finally feel like I’m in a space where I have lots of female friends, which is kind of a new experience for me as I’ve been living in this man’s world for all these years. So you bring together these awesome women and the joy of motherhood and all the business adventures with my husband. And that really makes up who I am.

Real Happy Mom 3:31
Yes. And one thing that I love about you is just how you are talking about having joy in motherhood in and that’s one thing that I know sometimes some moms are like really like this is hard and like I’m struggling but I was just wondering what your journey in motherhood has looked like for you so far.

Katie 3:51
Girl, it’s been such an adventure from day one, honestly from before our first baby was even born. So back in 2008 when I was pregnant with our first little girl, it’s so funny because we our very first surprise came a hot and heavy early on this new gender test came out. So you take it like a traditional pregnancy test. And sorry, I remember going to the pharmacy picking up this brand new fangled gender reveal test and taking this test. My husband coming home from work, and I proudly and excitedly announced to my husband. We’re having a baby boy. And Manny was so excited. We started buying all the little boy things and he started planning all the adventures that him and his son were going to go on, and a few months rolled by and we went in to do the ultrasound that actually does reveal the baby’s gender. And I remember the ultrasound tech saying congratulations, you’re having a baby girl and my jaw hit the floor and my husband I’ll never forget something flew out of his mouth that was so funny but completely inappropriate to share on a podcast. And so here we were all these months into it thinking we’ve been having a boy when in fact we were actually having a baby Baby girl. And that was just surprise number one. So I’ve been a mom now for 13 years. So as you can imagine, all these other surprises have gone my way. But I’ve truly learned to look for the joy in the journey of motherhood, I love that the word joy j Oh, why is actually inside of the word journey when you spell it out. I love that so much. So I’ve learned all these things along the way. But one really important thing I’ve learned is the power of connecting with our kids on a really deep and meaningful level. And the reason that that’s so important is because if we don’t make those connections with our kids now at an early age, what makes us think that when our kids are older, and they’re going through some of life’s toughest situations and challenges, and all the problems that come with elementary school, in high school and beyond, if we haven’t connected with our kids at an early age, what makes us think that miraculously, our kids are going to want to connect with us when they’re older. So it’s really important to start making those connections right now meeting our kids where they are and building those relationships right now.

Real Happy Mom 6:00
Yes, I totally agree. And one thing that I learned is so funny, while you’re talking, I was thinking about how a lot of times we think like oh, my four year old doesn’t understand like, I can’t really connect with them like that, like, they don’t stuff like they understand things. So I was just wondering, what are some tangible ways that we can start doing better with connecting with our kids?

Katie 6:22
I love this question. Here’s the bottom line, the thing that we have to know as a mom, is that kids spell love like this. T I am he. So the number one rule, the best way to connect with our kids is to spend time with our kids because it makes them feel loved. So one thing that I like to do with my kids, is practice being a great listener, I like to sit down and take even if it’s just five minutes, and have a one on one conversation with each one of my kiddos asking them thought provoking questions about their day or about the things that they’re excited about, or the things that light them up? Or who were you a good friend to today. If you had a full day to spend any way you wanted? How would you choose to spend that day? Those kinds of deep and thought provoking questions. And all the while that this is happening? I am practicing being a really great listener, I think is as moms we are like the queen of distracted thoughts. We have so many things swirling through our mind. All the things that we need to be all the places that we need to do and go and all the to do list and all the appointments and all the things and then you got the dang social media distraction, right? That’s a huge one. So how often are we sitting with our kids? And maybe we asked them about their day. But here we are scrolling through Facebook or Instagram? Well, we’ve got to consider ourselves how do we feel when we’re trying to have a conversation with someone and they’re completely distracted by their cell phone or by social media. So I think that tip number one, we’ve really got to start spending that ti m e making that connection, having meaningful conversations with our kids, whilst being an undistracted and great listener. The second thing I would say is look for and create those joyful moments in motherhood. So I have to share this story. When I was 19. I lived in this basement apartment for all of three months. And it was it was fine. It was a cute little basement apartment. It was everything I needed. Except there was one really major problem. There were these giant slugs Yes, you heard me You heard me right slugs like giant disgusting slimy slugs all over the place. They were on the floor. They were climbing up these basement walls and the windows and on the entry door. And the thing was that the more I look for them, the more I would find them. And it’s just like that in motherhood and in life we will find what we are looking for. Whatever we are looking for, we’re going to find an abundance of it just like these lugs that were in my basement apartment. So three months into that and I was out the door. But we can look for and create joyful moments in motherhood, start looking for the joy and then celebrate that and then create it create these joyful moments. We on Mother’s Day this year, we had so much fun it was during COVID during quarantine all the things. But we have this little taco joint about 30 miles from our house. We live in the middle of nowhere. So we pile up into my SUV. We go and we order tacos via takeout this little taco joint. And the problem was that it was freezing cold weather that day. So we made the most of this situation and what happened was all five of my family members we climbed into the back we squish together into the back of my SUV with our takeout tacos on Mother’s Day. Of course we enjoyed our tacos, but I’m not kidding. We laughed until we leaked. We created this memorable moment. on Father’s Day this past summer. Same thing we went back over to the taco joint. We ordered takeout again. But this time the weather was nicer. So we sat outside at a little picnic table and we’re enjoying our tacos. Well, the next thing we know, weather rolls in, and it starts pouring down rain. And so we’re all laughing, my husband’s scampering to gather up all the trash. He’s trying to do the right thing. I’m running to the car and she’s laughing hysterically and disbelief at what’s going on. One of my kids is dancing in the rain. And then I look over at our youngest, he for some crazy reason ran the opposite direction. And so he was standing, he had read over towards the restaurant, he was standing under the overhang. And by this time, I’m in the car laughing until I leak. And I look over and I see Canyon, we call him Grand Canyon, our youngest, he’s standing under the under the overhang and he’s yelling, someone helped me.

Katie 10:51
And we all just start laughing and laughing. By the time everyone makes it back into the car. We’re all drenched, soaking, wet, laughing until we’re crying. So we’re all about creating, looking for and creating those joyful moments to connect. And then the third thing is, let your kids feel the love, connect with them in a really tangible way. One thing that I do with my kids is I create what I call sticky love notes. So I’ll take literally a love note the little or a sticky note the little square sticky notes. And I will write love notes to my kids, or all right phrases about them or to them or for them like you’re a great friend, or I love being your mom, or I’m so proud of you or you’re beautiful from the inside to the outside. And I’ll create these sticky love nodes. And I’ll hide them for my kids to find my favorite place to put them is on their pillow, and then I’ll pull their covers up over them. And my kids have loved finding and collecting those sticky love notes. And they save them they’ve got stacks of them from over the years. And sometimes we’ll spend time together just pulling those out and reading through them. And then as a mama, this absolutely just makes my heart burst. Sometimes my kids will reciprocate. And they will write me sticky love notes back. So I think that those are three, great and fun and sweet and meaningful, tangible ways that we can connect with our kids.

Real Happy Mom 12:09
Yes, I love all of those. And when you were talking, I was thinking about the sticky notes. Because when I was when me and my husband first got married, that’s one of the things I used to do is write notes and hide them in his suits, because the man had like 60 suits, like it was ridiculous. Like how women are with their shoes. That’s how he is what his suits and I used to hide them in there. And I didn’t even think about doing it for the kids, especially now that my son is like he thinks that he’s such a great reader when it comes to my phone and reading my text messages. But he doesn’t know how to read when it’s time to do schoolwork. So I think this will be fun. I love that love that love it. Now I was just curious about one thing, because I know a lot of times it we are so good about taking care of others is moms and making sure everyone else is happy. But how can we make sure that we keep our love tank full and that we keep our joy bucket, you know, is full as well as the kids and be that mom that our kids want to actually be with and connect with?

Katie 13:11
Yes, so the number one thing that we have to do as moms, as wife, as women as friends is we’ve got to evaluate the input area of our life. So what I’m talking about is what are you consuming mama? And who are you hanging out with? I want you to really to think think back even over this last week. What have you been consuming? What magazines have you been reading? What podcast? Have you been listening to? Or not listening to? What books have you been reading? Have you been watching the news? Have you been watching sports? What ads on your TV what commercials and ads have been selling you things that you don’t even really want to buy? But you’re going to go out and buy anyway? Because you’ve been consuming it? What are you consuming on social media? Is it causing you to play the comparison game? Is it sucking the joy and the life out of you? We’ve got to take a serious look and evaluate the things that we are consuming. Because the things that we’re putting into our eyes and our ears. They’re seeking deep down into our heart and our mind. And then that’s what’s coming out the input is then creating the output. Who are you hanging out with who is in your what I call five tribe, we will become the some of the five people that we spend the most time with. So with my coaching clients, I’ll have them do this exercise, I’ll have them take a piece of paper and literally physically write down the names of the five people that they’re spending the most time with. And then have them take a look at the lives of those people and write out some descriptive words that show what type of lifestyle these people have. Are they honorable, productive kind? Do they have a happy marriage? Are they raising up their kids in the way that I want to raise up my kids, right? And so you spend a little time evaluating the five people that you’re hanging with what Their lives look like? And then asking yourself, do their lives match up with my ideal life? Are they the type of mom that I want to grow to become? Are they joyful, it may be time that we need to make some changes as we evaluate that list of who we’re hanging out with. So the bottom line on keeping our joy bucket full is that we’ve got to consume more things, and spend time with more people that are life giving that are positive that are joy giving. And that’s how we keep our joy bucket and our own love tank full.

Real Happy Mom 15:34
Yes, yes, I am totally with you on that one. Now, I’m going to ask you a question, as you know, just think of me as your client, and you’re my life coach. Now, I know I have these five people that I spend a lot of time with, but what if there is a particular person that it’s not necessarily because I want to, but I have to mean and like, people at work? And, yeah, let’s just stick with that people at work. Because we can’t change some of the people who we work with. Unless we’re the boss, and we can fire somebody, of course, then yeah, we can change it. But what about those people that we spend a lot of time with, who aren’t the greatest influence, but we can’t really change those people that we spend the most time with?

Katie 16:16
Yes, girl. So I think that awareness is the key here, of course, we’re gonna be in situations where we can’t, you know, we can’t just shut those people off. I think it’s about being aware. And understanding that in a situation like that, you have a choice to make, if you’re going to have to be around those people that are sucking the life out of you, you have a choice to make, you can either sink down and go down with them. Or you can rise up in your leadership and you can shine the light and you can be an example. You can let the joy shine from within you in hopes that what it’s going to do for that other person is raised them up. It is a tough and a challenging situation to be in. I absolutely hear you on that. But when we’re inevitably in those situations, I think it really comes down to awareness of it. And making the choice to either Hey, I’m either going to rise up and lead, or I’m going to sink down and let it drain me. Yes,

Real Happy Mom 17:07
I love that. Now, I need your help some more here, Katie, because I know especially like the past few weeks, I have been feeling like not an A plus mom. Usually, I always think I’m a great mom, because I make sure I show up for my kids. I may not be the way that other people think I should do it. But I I show up the way that I think I should have is a good mom. And what if we are going through one of those periods like I was last week, where I was just not feeling the greatest and it was feeling really messy and not feeling really connected to our kids. So I was just wondering, what can we do? When we’re feeling like we’re offering a game and we’re getting kind of disconnected? What are some things that we can do to get a little bit more connected with our kids?

Katie 17:52
Yes, so you toniann and me and probably the sweet girl listening to this podcast, we are in this magical place that I call the messy middle of motherhood. So it’s somewhere between that 14th episode of Paw Patrol and the ninth load of laundry, and the third load of dishes and the 47th diaper change. And then the last ballet shoes and the 13th bedtime tucking, we’re all somewhere in the middle of all that and we’re doing our best to do it right. And of course, we are going to have moments that are off I think number one, we’ve got to understand that we’re not alone, that we all of us mamas are in that place that messy middle of motherhood together. And number two, I think that we’ve got to understand that our job, though messy sometimes is really, really important of all the things that we do as a wife and a woman and a mom. motherhood is one of the most important and one of the greatest things that we can be doing. Just think of this we have been entrusted with these little people that we’re going to raise up that are the next generation in this world I how much more important of a job can you have than that, then speaking life and raising up these little people that are going to go out and potentially change the world as this next generation. I think we’ve got to give ourselves a lot of grace, because like I said, we’re in the messy middle, and we’re going to mess up and in fact messing up, I feel like is a sign of a really good mom, I have this motto, this mom motto over here and it goes like this mess up, show up and never ever give up. mess it up actually gives us the opportunity to get real with our kids because it’s hashtag real life. We’re gonna make mistakes, we’re gonna mess up. It gives us an opportunity to let our kids know, hey, we’re human, and we’re going to make mistakes and mess up sometimes. This is how you go through that process afterwards. This is how you say, Hey, I’m really sorry, I screwed up. Please forgive me, please extend some grace to me. So those are actually teachable moments for our kids. Ultimately, we’ve got to understand that if we’re doing our best and we are actually a really good mom, if we’re doing our best we’re doing this thing right and it means That were a good mom, the whole balance thing, you hear this, this buzzword, all in motherhood, I really believe that balance doesn’t exist. It’s really about, like I said, messing up showing up, never ever giving up and understand that it’s all about being present, over perfect. You’re not going to have this magic balance, it’s not going to happen. It’s about being present in the moment that you’re in with your child. At that time, when we are with your child, be all in Don’t be distracted, be fully present and listening. When you’re with your child. When you’re at work, be all in be fully present, doing your best rising up in leadership showing that joy present over perfect. And it’s okay to say no sometimes to I think as moms a lot of times this whole balance concept. The thing is that we just simply have too much on our plate. And we’ve got to understand that it’s okay to say no, sometimes as women that can be really hard for us to do. The thing is though, that when you start learning how to say no. And when you start doing that, you will get better like anything else. With practice. You’ve got to paint that picture of what your ideal life looks like for you and your family. And anything that’s not in alignment with that you need to assess. And maybe it’s time to say no, and get some of those things off your plate. But ultimately, like I said, lots of grace, and just simply know that your work is important, and that you truly are a really good mom.

Real Happy Mom 21:25
Yes. And amen to all of that. Yes, yes, yes. Now you have given us some amazing tips and a lot of encouragement. But I was just wondering, before we signed off, were there any other words of encouragement that you wanted to give us real happy moms?

Unknown Speaker 21:42
Yes,

Katie 21:42
I want to encourage you to praise your kids to speak with your mouth out loud to your kids, the things that they’re doing, right? That is going to bring out the best in your kids and bring out more and more it’s going to pull that goodness out of your kids. I got to tell you a really quick story here. My son Chase, he’s our middle 77 years old. One time we were at my niece’s dance recital and it was the middle of winter it was freezing, freezing cold and like I said, we’re in Iowa, middle of nowhere freezing cold winters. So we’re at her dance recital at her little elementary school. So my husband dropped off myself and my three kids out at the sidewalk and we go walking up to the door scooting up the sidewalk, you know quickly because it’s cold. Well, my son Chase, he opens the door for me. And so I did like I have always done with my two boys. I leaned down and I kissed him on the forehead and I said thank you chase, thank you for being such a gentleman. Now say though, that’s the reason like I’ve groomed him for success and that he goes and opens the doors because I’ve praised him for doing so. So now he just automatically does it. So we got inside myself my other two kiddos. We’re just inside the door freezing cold air is coming in. But there’s this line of people and they just keep coming and coming and my son, Chase he continues to hold the door open for everyone that’s coming through and we’re This is going on for like five minutes. Well finally I get antsy. I’m like, we need to get our seats. No, come on, buddy. Well, I look out and I see there’s a veteran, probably 80 plus years old. And he’s got his Walker and he’s scooting up the sidewalk really slow, like way down the sidewalk. Like obviously, it’s gonna take him quite a while to get up the sidewalk into the door. And I’m just standing back watching this all unfold. My son sees him. And so he stands there for the minutes that follow. And he continues to hold this door open. And the veteran gets up. He walks through the door, he shakes my son’s hand and he says, Thank you, young man. Well, you better believe I’m over here in tears as I’m watching all of this code down. And at the end of it, I scooped up chase in a great big hug. And I said, buddy, I’m so proud of you, you did the right thing. So speaking that praise over our kids really can bring out the best. And then it’s been said that the phrases I’m proud of you. And I love you are two of the most powerful phrases that we can speak to our kids. And I really believe that that’s true. And that those two phrases can absolutely bring out the best in our kiddos.

Real Happy Mom 24:06
Yes, and it’s so funny that you say that because I tried to tell my kids I love you like at least I make an effort like at least three or four times. Like I’m really like making a conscious effort. And usually it’s when they’re being naughty. And now I’ll tell them like I love you, but I don’t like what you’re doing. So I love that you reminded me that we got to praise them. And we have to tell them I love you. So thank you Katie for giving me that nice reminder, and I definitely will do more of that. Now, Katie, if we are wanting to connect with you wanting to learn more about you hear more what you got. Where can we find you online?

Katie 24:44
Yes, absolutely. So my podcast is a great place to start. It’s called stepping into a joy filled life. You can check it out on any podcast platform or you can find it at step into joy.com. I’m also on Facebook as Katie Hedrick life coaching I Have a online community. It’s called Happy chicks inside of Facebook, you can just go in and search for happy chicks and it’ll pop up and you’ll find it. You also can find me at Katie Hedrick coaching.com. And one last thing I do have a really fun parenting quiz that you can take. It’ll tell you in just about 30 seconds if you’re a spontaneous and fun period totally laid back or more of that classic strict parent. You can take that parenting style quiz at Katie Hedrick comm forward slash parenting quiz

Real Happy Mom 25:35
awesome and I will make sure to include those links in the show notes so mom if you did not catch it, just check the show notes. So I’ll be there. Now. Katie, thank you so much for coming on and sharing all of this with us. This has been awesome. I truly truly appreciate you.

Katie 25:49
Hey, it’s been a blast Tony and thank you so much for the value that you bring to the world and keep on being that Real Happy Mom.

Unknown Speaker 25:56
Thank you.

Real Happy Mom 25:58
Now that does it for this episode of the Happy Mom podcast again. I want to say Happy Mother’s Day to you if you want to get the links and show notes to this episode. Make sure you head over to Real Happy Mom comm slash 138 make sure you stay tuned for Tuesday friend there’s a full episode. Take care and with lots of love

 

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