Real Happy Mom

Practical tips and encouragement for moms

One Simple Way to Develop Better Friendships

In the hustle and bustle of life, our once cherished friendships often find themselves buried beneath the responsibilities of motherhood. While this phenomenon affects both men and women, there’s something truly magical about how women rekindle their friendships. 

Friendships among women have been celebrated for centuries, from the legendary bonds of Thelma and Louise to the fearless quartet of Ryan, Sasha, Lisa, and Dina, Girls Trip, or Annie and Lillian in Bridesmaids.

These stories, while fictional, echo a universal truth: female friendships are an essential part of life, a source of support, laughter, and wisdom.

However, as time passes, our lives inevitably change. We move to different cities, pursue varied careers, and embark on different life journeys. Amidst these transitions, friendships can sometimes take a backseat, leaving us yearning to reconnect with the friends who once knew us best.

In this episode, we’ll delve into the art of women rekindling their friendships, exploring their profound impact on their lives. So, this episode is for you whether you’re a woman contemplating reaching out to a long-lost friend or simply curious about the magic of rekindling.

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About Amy

Amy Weinland Daughters is an award-winning author, humorist, keynote speaker, sports journalist and spreader of the hope. She is absolutely convinced that when human beings connect individually in a meaningful way that nothing can separate them.

Connect with Amy

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Transcript of this Episode

Toni-Ann Mayembe
In the hustle and bustle of life, our once cherished friendships often find themselves buried beneath the responsibilities of motherhood. While this phenomenon affects both men and women, there’s something truly magical about the way women rekindled their friendships. friendships among women can be celebrated for centuries. From the legendary bonds of Thelma and Louise, to the fearless quartet of Ryan, Sasha, Lisa and Dina and girls chip or even any and Lillian and bridesmaids. These stories while fictional echo a universal truth. female friendships are an essential part of life a source of support, laughter and wisdom. However, as time passes, our lives change, we move to different cities pursue very careers and embark on different life journeys. Through these transitions, friendships can sometimes take a backseat, leaving us yearning to reconnect with the friends who wants newest best. Hey there, my name is Tony and I am the host of the real happy mom Podcast, the podcast for busy working moms who need help with time management and achieving their big goals without pulling their hair out. And fun fact about me, I am the oldest of three girls. In this episode, we will dive into the art of rekindling friendships and exploring the profound impact it has on our lives. Whether you’re a woman who is contemplating reaching out to a long lost friend, simply curious about the magic of Rekindling, this episode is for you. So let’s go ahead and jump into this episode with my guests. Amy daughters.

Amy Daughters
Thank you so much for having me on.

Toni-Ann Mayembe
Absolutely, absolutely. And I am really excited to talk to you because I have been talking to one of my friends in particular about developing friendships as an adult, which can be really awkward, but I feel like you share a different side of the story that I feel like we don’t talk about as far as rekindling friendships. And I am really excited because in your book, dear Danna, which we’ll talk about a little bit here today, you talked about how you’re able to rekindle a friendship from a long, long time ago. So super excited to have you and talk to you. But before we jump into our topic, I wanted you to share a little bit about you and what you do and who you serve.

Amy Daughters
I’m a mom of two and a husband of one and I’m on a pretty good line. I’m a I’m an author, and I am a freelance writer. And I spent a lot of time writing about college football. And I spent a lot of my writing career writing about college football. I wrote a first book and then this entire dear Dana’s story happened to me, which is my second book. And now the story has such a profound impact on me that I’m just kind of on a mission to share the story of the hope we have in our connections with each other.

Toni-Ann Mayembe
Yeah, and I love that you you say that to write about football. I know there’s a lot of people in my life that you would actually be a fan favorite. So I think that is super cool. But really, it’s super cool is your book, dear Danna, and it’s the book is titled dear Dan, at the time, I went crazy and wrote all 580 of my Facebook friends, a handwritten letter. So I want to go back to the beginning of this story, because in the book, I know you shared a lot of kind of the background story of your friendship with Danna. So what made your friendship with Danna so special and like cliffnotes version of like, how you met and what made your friendship with her so special when he first became friends?

Amy Daughters
We met at a summer camp in 1986. So you know, 30 something years ago, we were both camp counselors, we both have big personalities, we both think were funny. And we basically spent six weeks together. And that was it. And then we went on and did 30 years of life apart. And I think we just we, we just there’s something about our personalities that connected enough so that you know, you have those relationships in your life where you you met somebody, it was pretty brief. You don’t really remember all the details, but you’re like, that person really resonated with me. Well, that was Dana for me. So I went on and did live for three decades, her name was always in the back of my head somewhere. I know, we had a few great conversations, I think more than anything, it was just meant to be friends that it didn’t play out in 96 because there wasn’t the time for it. So speed forward, you know, 2014 I finally see her on Facebook, we reconnect. I found out her story. And then this whole story that I ended up not intentionally writing a book about happened.

Toni-Ann Mayembe
Nice. And one of the things in your story when I was reading was when you got on Facebook, and you actually found her like, what was your initial response when you saw her on Facebook?

Amy Daughters
Well, I you know, I had seen her in 30 years and when I when I had seen her 96 She had this real black curly hair now her hair was straight and blonde and I don’t know why I was like wait a second what’s happened? You know, so that was my first impression. And then I did you know, the light stalking we all do and you know, went through her pictures, and here’s where she really lives. And she really did marry that guy. And she had five kids, and the youngest and the only son Parker, immediately. This was the, of course, what would be most of our post is Parker had cancer. And he was at St. Jude in Memphis, Tennessee. So that meant his cancer was serious. So this family was in a fight.

Toni-Ann Mayembe
Yeah, yeah. And when you did initially reach out to her it was when Parker was going through treatment. And what? How would you say like you felt? Did you feel like awkward when you initially reached out to her? Or was it like, Oh, my goodness, we just picked up from last times?

Amy Daughters
Well, you know, she was asking for people to pray, because he was actually in a chemo treatment. And he was very sensitive to chemotherapy. And so I Facebook Messenger was like, Look, I’m praying for you, I’m thinking about you. And I did feel awkward because I was like, you know, what, if she doesn’t even remember me, because, you know, I think we all have a different way we approach friendship requests on Facebook, like, Yes, I totally 100% member her you are? Or yes, we’re connected to these three people. Oh, you’re probably that girl I met in junior high school. And so I felt like I was kind of put myself out there. And the other thing was when you’re dealing with a mom, who child has cancer, I mean, are you? Should you just be silent in the background? Or is that a good or bad thing to interrupt? You know, that whole thing? So yeah, I felt a little awkward. But I felt really the whole time. I’ve been reconnected today. And I felt compelled on a way that I shouldn’t to be involved. And that’s part of what drove this whole story, though, really?

Toni-Ann Mayembe
Now, you kept up this letter writing with her. And I will say that that is like one last art that we don’t have. I was telling my husband like, I still like to send Christmas cards, I still like to personally write thank you cards, like handwrite thank you cards, because that’s one thing that I think we were missing a lot of like, yeah, the emails are great. The DMS are fun. But the actual getting a letter in the mail. I don’t think we see that as much anymore. So I know that for me that that stood out to me in your story. And then to that you sent a letter to all of your Facebook friends. I was like, wait, wait a minute. So tell me how this all got started. And what prompted you to do that?

Amy Daughters
Well, you know, I, you know, I contacted Dana via Facebook message. And then Parker went into remission. And then when he relapsed, and she did a big Facebook post and says, you know, we’re going back to Memphis, for me, it was like a bolt of lightning because I’m a writer. That’s what I do. So I was like, why don’t hand write people by verse. First of all, I didn’t before this. And so, but it was like something just was like, here’s what you can do, you can start sending your letters. So I started sending these letters to the Ronald McDonald House and Memphis, and probably six to eight weeks of sending the letters and then unthinkably, and there are no good words for this, you know, Parker passes away at age 15. And I’m like, so what do I do now and had nothing to do with me. And I’m, I’m clear about that. Like, I’m a logical person, I understand. This has nothing to do with me. But I was like, You know what, I’m just gonna keep writing her letters. So for about four months, I wrote her and you know, there was a point in time where I was like, you know, really, and I don’t know how much it would have continued. But the major turning point in the story is when about four months into me writing Dana, after Parker passed away, she began to write me back. And so for two years, and think about this, and like 2015, we communicate exclusively through the US Mail, we didn’t have each other’s details. And she started sharing about her grief, I started sharing about my life, the letters got longer and longer. We had no idea I had no idea when she read the stuff I said, or if she ever read it, I had no she had no idea what I was doing. On my side, we didn’t know what the other person believed, we’d know about each other’s politics. All it was was this exchange, and we trusted each other on this level that made zero sense. But we were telling each other all the business, I was kind of a safe space, because she was doing grief with her whole family. And I was outside of that. And she trusted me with all that. And it was so profound, that I would have this intimate, very meaningful relationship with literally this random girl from Louisiana, that I was like, Wait a second, guys, you know if this can be so life changing, what else is untapped in these lists of people that I’m somehow associated with? And so I was like, I’m going to write everyone and I realized again, that is nuts. It is like bonkers off the chain. And when I started this project, and I treated it like a real project, like had rules and you know, I journaled it and everything I never thought I really don’t think I ever really thought I would finish and write almost 600 letters, but once I got started, I just couldn’t stop. Because it was just like, boom, boom, boom, let’s blow up your whole life and your heart. And then it just so many different levels, but the power of a handwritten letter people know the effort that took to do you know if you wrote me a letter Toni-Ann I know that you had to go find paper and a pen, and this is 2023. Then you had to get an envelope. Then you had to go get a stamp and then you were done, you had to go find a post office box to put it in. And then people just felt so important. Even though I was very clear that I was writing everyone, including data, including me, we all felt so important that it was life changing.

Toni-Ann Mayembe
I really, really love that part of the story, how it just really changed a lot of things for for a lot of the people that were receiving, and also for you who are actually writing those letters. So I know there’s probably moms are listening to this, like, Okay, that sounds cool and everything, but like, how do I get started? Like, where do you even start? Like, what would you give us as pointers on like, rekindling a friendship or even just starting with writing a handwritten letter and not even knowing what to put on that paper.

Amy Daughters
Right, right. I think the first thing if you just and I did this, I didn’t do this on purpose. Like, if you think about what would it look like, if I was going to write a Facebook friend a letter, the first thing you would do is you would do, and I’m not saying you have to write a Facebook friend, but you can take your friend and put this, put the steps around it. You know, and this is what I did over and over again. So I can I can, I can speak a lot to it. But first of all, you you look at the person, you go look at the profile like I did with Dana at her hair, you look and say, Okay, who is this person? What do they do in their life? You know, like, what’s their job? Like, you’re a dentist, and you’re a podcast host and you’re a mom. So you identify with that, like, oh, and you went to school here or you did this, you’d be like, Okay, so this is what this person’s real life is. And when you do that, it starts to take some of the divide, you know, we’re in this culture where everyone’s divided, you know, but if I look past, like, whatever I assume your political beliefs are or your religious beliefs. And I’m like, Who is she? Who is Toni-Ann? So I get a grasp on that. And if I ask myself a second question, I’m like, Well, who is she to me? Well, I met you in junior high school, we were band together, you played the flute, and I played the clarinet. And you remember that time that my grandmother died. And you were like, there for me, it like sat in the back of the room for me, and let’s let me cry. And I’m like, Oh, my gosh, that was so important. That was like 27 years ago was so important. So okay, so now I get my piece of paper out. And I don’t care what you believe, or why you don’t believe I care that you sat there with me while you had a flute and I had a clarinet. And you You helped me. So all of a sudden, the letter becomes easy to write, I’m like, it can be as long as four pages where I talk about how I’m you know, I’ve seen your kids online, and, and they’re so cute. And I’m proud of you for being a dentist, because I knew that took a lot of work. And then, you know, followed by, hey, I never said this. But thank you for helping me out. You know, when I was in high school, junior high school, at my wedding, whatever the circumstances was, and that’s how the letter gets filled with meaningful stuff. And the great thing about letter writing is, I could do that some people can do that in three sentences. And some people need four pages, that’s me, you know, but there’s nothing there’s no rules, like both of those things are so meaningful and right and, and I think that you can Facebook message that and there’ll be so much meaning in that. And that’d be great. And that would be enough. But if you want to go next level, then that handwritten letter, all of a sudden, they’re going to have this thing in their hands that was meant just for them that took another human being all this effort to do. And what’s going to happen is they’re going to save that thing for the rest of their life. And I did this 600 times. So I know, I know this, I’ve seen it over and over and over again, the biggest response I got was, I’m going to save it until the day I die. And I never had that intention. I’m not some, I’m just another girl trying to stay married, and not screw up my kids. And that’s what’s magical about the stories, I did not intend any of it. It just happened through the process of trying to write all these letters. And then you said this earlier, Tony, and the person who’s going to be most changed, is you because you’re going to be grateful. And you’re going to feel like you’ve made a difference to somebody, and then your hope meter and you’re grateful meter is going to be off the charts and you’re going to move through your life at a different spiritual, and I’m not speaking about religion, you’re just going to have a different spirit about you’re going to have a little spring in your step.

Toni-Ann Mayembe
Yeah, absolutely. And while you’re talking, I was just reminded of, there’s these journal prompts that I do in the morning, and one of the prompts is, who can I surprise with a note or a message today? And I don’t know why I picked this person that I found out, moved back to, or moved back to the city that I’m in. And I hadn’t seen them since I was in dental school, which was over 10 years ago. So I put on that day that I was going to reach out to that person. And when I did, I wasn’t expecting a response back like you. And when she responded back she was like, oh my goodness, like, first of all, thank you for reaching out and telling me you know, how much of an impact I had on you and all these things and it opened up the door for a really great conversation also for us to develop a relationship which led to other opportunities. But if I even had taken it a step further and been like you and put it on a piece of paper, I think that would have really put that little A special little touch on it. But I love the fact that when you don’t know like how people will respond to it, and to like how it opens up, like so many great things. And then like you said, three, you know, it just makes you feel different about yourself and makes you feel more positive and grateful and give you that spring in your stuff, as you say.

Amy Daughters
Right. Right. And I think, you know, speaking to your story, it is a great jumping off point, we talk so negatively about social media. And I think that there’s so much truth in that. But, you know, after going through this letter writing projects, the truth is, you know, a Facebook profile, or an Instagram or Snapchat or whatever your tool is, is a great jumping off point for real relationship, because it connects us with all these people, and we can take it and then go next level with it. So it is a way to rekindle we don’t all have to do it the same way. You know, it could be the it can be a bunch of different ways we go about it. But it is a great place. Because I will tell you when I when I put because what I did was I put everyone’s name on a spreadsheet and then cut out little pieces of paper and drew a name out of the box every day, and wrote that person the letter, and you’re talking about literally you don’t have to write a letter, you can get those small cards from Target or Walmart. And you can write five sentences, you can have the exact same impact, in my opinion, it’s a 15 minute job. You know, I do it every morning still with like birthday cards or something because it just, it’s like adrenaline for me now. But it’s so it’s a small commitment. But when I looked through those names, at the beginning of the project was like, oh, yeah, it was like this random list of names like we’re, this is so relatable, because we all have it. But when I look through that list, now those 580 original friends that I wrote to, it is like a, just a treasure trove of these relationships that are so real. And guys, everybody’s listening that is out there for each of us. It is out there. And it is a way to give other people hope and to infuse hope into our own lives as well.

Toni-Ann Mayembe
Absolutely. And one of the things that I was starting to talk to you about before I hit record was about how a lot of times I talk to moms, and they’ll say like, oh, I don’t have any friends. And you know, it’s so hard to meet and make new friends or whatever. And you have really just proven like sometimes we don’t necessarily need to make new friends, but just rekindle some of those friendships that we had in the past. So I love your story. And I love how we can go about doing it with these handwritten letters. But I know there’s a mom listening that’s like, okay, great. Toni-Ann. And, Amy, this sounds really wonderful. But like, I’m so busy, I don’t have time, like, what would you say to that mom that wants to get started with it, but it’s trying to figure out how to make it fit in their life? Well, I

Amy Daughters
would say, I mean, if you’re wanting to go the handwritten route, I mean, I think that’s great. Again, I don’t think we all have to do the exact same thing. But if you want to do that, then you pick one morning or one lunch break, and you’re like, I’m gonna give it 10 minutes a week. Because you know, that’s, that’s doable, we can find that or just send a Facebook message or send a text. Because that point of connection, it doesn’t have to be a handwritten letter to matter. That’s just next level. And I recommend that when you, when you when you have a moment, when you feel like you can carve out 10 or 15 minutes, you know, because it will again, it will benefit you more than you know. But I would say just start with the person who comes to your mind. Well, that’s what I like about your story. I don’t know why this person came to mind. But that’s why I decided to rent like a letter to I tell people all the time, that first person that comes to mind is absolutely the person you should reach out to connect with Facebook message, text, email, whatever. Yes, write a handwritten letter, get a card and three stamps and see what happens.

Toni-Ann Mayembe
But that love it. And the other thing that I love, too, is like, it doesn’t necessarily have to be to handwritten letters. And I know I’ve been focused on the handwritten part just because, like I said, I think that’s something that we’ve lost here, at least in 2023. We don’t see that many. And whenever I get a letter in the mail or a card in the mail, like I just feel like I am the most important person because I mean, I know you’re probably like me, you get a lot of junk mail, well, maybe not so much anymore. Maybe you can people write you back. A lot of junk mail and a lot of stuff that I’m like, Man, I don’t really want that. So to get a card or a letter in the mail, just like lights me up. So I know that there are other means, like you said, like we can start with what sending some DMs or even sending the email and that’s what I did, I sent an email to that person I was referring to earlier. So it doesn’t necessarily have to be but I love how you just said just like getting started with the first person that comes to mind.

Amy Daughters
Yeah, you can’t you got to tell yourself over and over again. You can’t get it wrong. I mean, it’s never too late to reach out to somebody you tell them you care, or congratulate them. Or I apologized in a lot of letters, you know, and it just cleared the slate for me. And I you know, thanked people and congratulated them and offered support. And it’s never too late to do any of those things. Like I said three sentences 100 sentences, an email, you know, smokes whatever works for you works for you. And it’s still going to have that one on one person to person connection that the other person is going to go and tell their mom about for real. You know, I still get letters and my mom you’re not gonna believe I heard from and she actually Gotta be over that, because I’ve said that so many times, but, you know, but but you’re gonna feel like yeah, I made, I made a difference, and you’re gonna get responses that are just going to blow you away to as that’s your point in your story.

Toni-Ann Mayembe
Yes, yes. Now I want to go back to your story. So you did develop this friendship, or rekindle this friendship. And you did reach out to all of these other big friends as well. And it’s been a little bit of time that’s passed since you’ve done all that. Right. Right. So I was just wondering, like, how have things been different for you, as far as the friendships and relationships that you have now compared to the before you did that project?

Amy Daughters
You know, it’s amazing, because the ripple effect is more like a, like a tidal wave for me. Because when I see people in person, you know, any of those 580 I exchanged a letter to I, I feel different, I think they feel different people are like, the hugs are bigger, like the, you know, it’s not even, like I said, thing, it’s just like, you know, these relationships are deeper, because they’re like, You treated me like a real life person. And these person, you know, they become flesh and bone to me through these letters, but I will tell you, my family laughs because, like, say a memorial service or you know, some kind of open invitation event, or there’s something going on, and people on Facebook know about it like a book signing or, you know, whatever the case may be, these people show up physically. And I think it’s 100%, because the letter is not because I’m a great writer, it was what the ACT meant to them. My dad was in the hospital, and he was close to him, he ended up passing away, sadly, but you know, people kept showing up. And even that his memorial service they did, and my brother and sister were like, oh my god, it’s the letter people again, The Letter People are coming out of the woodwork. And it’s this because they that’s their reaction to being, you know, individually treated, they felt like they mattered, and they were going to show up for me, because that’s how much it mattered to him. And it’s just mind blowing, you know, I had a sign a book signing in Houston with my first book, and I just moved back to Texas, and I was pretty sure nobody was gonna show up for this thing, because I’m an unknown author. I don’t know anybody. And this girl who I’d written to who said, what her Facebook friends don’t realize is that she’d show up for him in real life. And if she just knew about it, so she’s she lived in Austin I live in Houston was three hours apart. I hadn’t seen her in 35 years, it’s grown from high school, for walks into the books I have my book in her hand, is like, I didn’t even say I’m here for you, I’d show up nothing like that, when like a Hallmark movie, she was just like, you know, it was just here, she went chamber the day, and then drove back. Because of the letters,

Toni-Ann Mayembe
that is so in, I love all of these connections. And like you said, stronger relationships and stronger bonds that you have with all of these different friends from Facebook that you send these letters to. Right, I love that these friendships are definitely genuine too, as well, because that’s another thing that like really gets me I have found that there’s like so many really phony relationships. But when you do things like this, as far as really developing that, that connection and developing those relationships, like you really kind of get down to like the core things and really, like know, people for for for people not just because of like what they have or who they are and things like that. So that’s another reason why I was so drawn to your story, and really just wanted to hear about you. Because this, this is something that I know will help a lot of moms who are listening, I know that it is a struggle to like make friendships, I am not denying that as an adult, it is hard, especially when you don’t get out as much as you used to and things of that sort. So I get it. But developing or actually rekindling the friendships and relationships that you have in the past, I think, is one thing that we could definitely do better about because there is at least one person, at least one person, maybe even 580 that you could reach out to and definitely make that connection even stronger.

Amy Daughters
Absolutely. And those those people, they’re waiting to hear from somebody too. I think we’re all waiting to hear from somebody, you know, I think we’re all waiting for to be to feel like we’re really connected to another human being and part of its social medium. And part of it’s because we live in this device of culture. And I think for me, that was one of the biggest hope takeaways is that, you know, if you Tony and write me a letter out of the blue, let’s say, you know, we went to high school together, college together, dentist, dentistry, school, whatever, you know, and then you just tell me that you care about me, you’re thinking about me and you say something that we’re kind of, you know, some way we’re connected, and then I respond to you, you know, in kind with nothing but goodwill on the line, nobody’s trying to do anything but just connect, then all of a sudden, all that stuff that separates one person from another especially where we’re sitting right now culturally, it’s still there, but it just doesn’t seem to matter as much. You know, it just takes away the power of what what those things you know, those things that divide us that are real, because it really it comes down to one person one hero connecting with another hero and with no villains it’s very, it’s super, super powerful. It on so many different levels personally. But then from a bigger picture standpoint, I really think that us connecting one on one and whatever way we can do, it really does have the potential to, to change things.

Toni-Ann Mayembe
Absolutely, absolutely. Now I have talked about the book before here in this conversation. So if you’re listening, you definitely want to grab the book. Dear Dan, at the time, I went crazy and wrote all 580 of my Facebook friends a handwritten letter. So where can we find this book? If we want to read it, read it, if you want to share it with a friend, all that good stuff, where can we find it?

Amy Daughters
Well, you can you can get it wherever books are sold. You know, bookstores are hard. Now you can ordered any of your local book shops. I’m a big proponent of you know, independent bookstores, but you can get it and you can get it on Amazon, you can get it on Barnes and Noble. You can get it anywhere books are sold. There’s a great website called bookshop.org. And that is an online, you know, site you could go on and order there. But it does that those the profit funnels down to smaller bookstores that you know, need our help, but you can get it, you can get it anywhere books are sold.

Toni-Ann Mayembe
Awesome. Awesome. And I’ll be sure to include that link in the show notes. Now, Amy, if there’s someone listening that wants to connect with you learn more about you. Where can we find you online?

Amy Daughters
Well, my website is Amy daughters.com. That’s got all my deets and I have a Facebook author page, I have a Instagram and all those links are on Amy daughters.com. So and my email address is on there. There’s a link to that. And there’s a form you can fill out if you want to connect with me talk about letter writing and hope and, you know, ribbon dancing, I’m available for all those conversations.

Toni-Ann Mayembe
Awesome, awesome. And again, I’ll make sure to have all of those links in the show notes. Amy, this has been such a great conversation, you’ve definitely shown us how we can start to create those connections and rekindle some of those friendships. So thank you so much for coming on and sharing your story and sharing all of the tips that you have for us today.

Amy Daughters
Well, thank you so much Toni-Ann for having me on. I enjoyed it. And thank you for the opportunity to share our story.

Toni-Ann Mayembe
And now that’s it for this episode of The Real happy mom podcast. Make sure you go to grow happy mom.com/ 214 to get all of the links that were missing in this episode. And be sure to stay tuned for next week for another full episode. Take care and we’re glad to lab

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