Real Happy Mom

Practical tips and encouragement for moms

Wanna More Loving and Fun Marriage? 3 Tips for Increasing Connection with Your Husband

I made a colossal declaration at the beginning of the year. I said I was going to have the best marriage ever in 2023.

You see, I really felt like this was the one area of my life where I was really lacking. I felt good in almost every area except for my marriage.

My marriage wasn’t terrible, but I wasn’t showing up like I do at work every day. Even though it is still early in the year, there are some lessons that I have learned since making my marriage a priority.

Wanna know what they are? Check out this episode.

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Episode Summary with Timestamps

0:00 How I’m making my marriage the best ever in 2023.

1:33 Being on the defense and listening to what your husband has to say.

3:42 Learning something new about your spouse.

5:16 Spending time and connecting with each other.

6:43 Bringing adventure and fun back.

8:10 Different types of activities you can do to connect with each other.

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Transcript of this Episode

So earlier in the year, I made a huge, huge, huge proclamation, I said that I want it 2023 to be the year that I have the best marriage ever. Now I don’t do resolutions. So I made this huge declaration for 2023, that I wanted to make my marriage the best, ever. And the reason is, because I really felt like this was the one area of my life where I was really lacking. And we had been going through some pretty difficult things together. And I really wanted to make my marriage a priority, because honestly, I felt like I was showing up and doing well, in so many other areas of my life. But I couldn’t say that I was doing my best when it came to my marriage. So 2023 is all about make our marriage, the bomb.com. Now, I noticed a few things. And even though it’s still at the beginning of the year, I wanted to share some things that I have found that have been helpful for me in making my marriage the best ever yet. And the first thing is communication. Many times, I feel like personally, a lot of the breakdowns in marriages, and in many relationships, period is communication. And either not communicating well not communicating at all, or miscommunication of some sort. So I have really been making an effort to make sure that I’m communicating my thoughts clearly. And then also making sure that I’m really listening and not being on the defense, so that I can really hear what my husband is having to say. Now, when we do get into disagreements, I do notice that sometimes it’s easy to get on the defense. But I have to remind myself constantly, like hear him out, listen to what he has to say. And not only just listen to what he has to say, but a lot of times it’s easy for you to like get in your feelings when there’s kind of some of that blame and pointing the finger like it’s your fault, or you did this or when you said that, it’s easy to really get on the defense. So really hearing what the real problem is, and then begin to communicate on how things can be better. Because I’ll be honest, majority of the times is total miscommunication or me not communicating well to my husband. And that’s been the breakdown. Now, the next thing that I have found that has been helpful in making our marriage awesome, is having empathy. Now me being a natural impact, this comes very easily. But again, like I said, when when you’re upset, and someone is saying certain things to you that you feel isn’t correct, or is it true or not the whole truth, whatever the case is, is easy for you to, you know, get on the defense and not really hear what they have to say. Or even if they’re not even mad at you, they’re mad at someone else. But really just being empathetic and hearing what’s going on and saying like, Hey, okay, I hear what you’re saying, I hear you’re upset that I didn’t tell you, you know that I was gonna be an hour late, or whatever the case is like, really empathizing, I feel like helps a lot, instead of just immediately getting on the defense. Again, this is easy for me or easier for me because I am a really big impact. So I can do this a lot easier. But I noticed that I can turn that impact off and kind of get pretty defensive. So really showing empathy and really expressing like, Hey, I hear you, I hear what you’re saying. And really validate the feelings and what’s going on instead of immediately shutting it down, I think is helpful, too. Another thing that I wanted to share that I have been finding that is really making things a lot more fun. It’s just learning something new about my husband. I have been married for 11 years going on 12. And it’s easy to kind of get complacent and to feel like oh, I know him. I know what he likes. I know what I know what he does. I know what he says and, and maybe I might be right. But the thing is, is people are constantly growing and evolving over time. And my husband is not the same as he was when I first met him. I am not the same person that I was when he met me. So really taking time to really learn about your partner, about your spouse I think is really helpful and keeping things exciting, keeping things fun. And really just making it easier to like fall in love all over again and just be like, Oh man, I didn’t know that you like that. Or oh man, I didn’t know that you’re good at doing this. That kind of thing. Just really paying attention. You know, like I was looking at my husband the other day and I was like, I didn’t notice that you had that scar on your face. I don’t feel bad because again, be my age for 11 years. I’ve been looking at this man every day for 11 years, and I never noticed the second scar on his face for Really taking time to really, really find out something new, something different that you didn’t know before, I think will help with making the relationship more fun and exciting. The last thing that I wanted to share that I have really been finding super helpful. And I will definitely be giving you updates throughout the year on this is spending time and connecting with each other. This is huge, because I believe everybody has their love language, yes, but I do believe the time that you do spend and the time that you do connect with each other is really important. And this is something that I’m learning. I’m reading a book by Jay Shetty right now, they wrote some love. And he talks about this, as far as like having more intimate time with each other, as far as not necessarily like intimacy physically, but like being intimate, like by connecting with each other on a deeper level. So instead of just watching TVs with each other, which is totally fine, but connecting with each other even more by doing different activities with each other so that you can connect. And one thing that I know and love about my husband, when we first got married is we used to do a lot of really fun adventures and things with each other. Even though I was still in school, and he wasn’t really making any money. We were like, so broke, it’s not even funny, but we had so much fun, so much fun, we would go on different adventures, I’d find things on Groupon, and we would have so much fun. And I think that’s what made us really fall in love with each other and really have that spark in the beginning. When we had kids, of course, the focus shifted, unfortunately, it shifted so much that we lost all of that fun, and adventure that we have with each other. And one thing that I wanted to do was bring that adventure and fun back. The thing that I have found that has really helped with that is this adventure challenge couples edition book, I love this book, I got it off of Amazon, I’ll be sure to include the link down in the show notes. So make sure you go over to Real happy mom.com/ 197 So that you can grab that link. But this book has all of these different date ideas and their little scratch offs is so cute, I love it, you scratch off the different dates. And there’s some rules in here that I absolutely love. It says when you have to disconnect to reconnect, it says you have to unplug from the cell phone, put it on airplane mode, and really connect during the time that you’re having the date, then to once you scratch off the date that you’re going to do you have to do it. And I love that because you discover something new about yourself and about your your partner. Then number three, it says to document the journey. So you’re supposed to take pictures and write about each time you go on a date. And then the last one is how to show off, which we don’t do. And I will talk about this in another episode. It says to upload your photo on social media and I am not on social media. As of right now. Don’t know when I will get back. But again, I will talk about that in another episode, why I got off and why it’s so awesome. But again, this adventure challenge is really, really great. If you’re really trying to find some different things to do to connect with each other. We’ve done some really fun stuff so far. Now there are different types of activities that you can do each other some things that require, you know, some craftiness, some food, some that are expensive, some that are totally free, that you don’t have to have any money at all to do some that require you to have childcare, some that do not you can do these days while the kids are in the house. So totally, totally worth every dime that I pay for. Because we have been doing these discussions off and having a good time having some adventures with each other. So I really been enjoying the time that we’re spending with each other, and really been making the time that we spend with each other really, really sacred. So I know that I am off on Fridays, and I have made a comment to him before like, hey, like we can reach some of our financial goals if I start working on Fridays again. And he was like, no, no, you’re not doing that. Because he really values the time that we spend with each other. I really value the time that I spend with him on Fridays, because that’s typically when we do our dates. We really haven’t taken that time that we have really really special and really valuing it. So we do our dates on Fridays while the kids are at school. That is my day off that is his day off. And it has been amazing. So I’m sharing all of these things. Some lesson learns that I’ve had the past few months with really focusing on making my marriage a priority. I hope that you have found something not necessarily something new that you feel like it’s something you’ve never heard before, but at least something that won’t may spark you to try something different. Maybe something that may get you to see something in a different light and let me know if You have found this helpful because I can do definitely some more updates on things that I’m learning because I’m spending some more time really reading and, you know, going through some different books and things because like I said, this is a huge priority for me. So I’m really spending a lot of time learning as much as I can about this. So I’m spending time in some books, watching YouTube videos, the whole nine, because I really want to make 2023 the year that my marriage is the best. So that’s it for this episode. Stay tuned for next week for another full episode. Take care and look lots of love

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