You probably have had an idea of what is a good mom for a long time.
After becoming a mom you have tried to live up to the vision that you had and found that you are not fulfilled or truly happy.
You are not alone!
My guest, Alisha, helps us to uncover how to define what we think is a good mom. Not what has been ingrained in us through society, social media or our family.
You will soon realize that you are uniquely you. Check out the podcast player above or the post below to learn more.
About Alisha
Alisha is an ambitious mom of two. When Alisha became a mom and like most of us, she got lost in motherhood.
Often, Alisha felt guilt and shame around being so ambitious.
As a result, Alisha tried to suppress it. And tried to just do the “mom thing,” but it ended up not working out.
Over the years Alisha ignored the signs but soon realized that her current business has been a dream inside of her for a long time.
Once Alisha started really working on herself, she noticed the transformation and now helps other women create the life they love.
Every woman is created to be a certain woman
Do you ever feel like as a mom you should like certain things?
For instance, you should listen to a certain type of music or do certain types of activities?
Or have you had thoughts that these are the things I should be doing for my husband? Or this is how I should act as a Christain woman?
The problem is you are putting yourself in a box. Being in a box doesn’t allow you to truly be yourself and live to your full potential.
Instead, understand that nothing is wrong with you because you like certain things. Or are drawn to do things that most people don’t.
“You are exactly who you’re created to be. And the desires and the things that you feel like have been so wrong or have been so have brought shame or guilt or whatever that is intentional. That is a part of your unique design.”
Alisha explains that every woman is created to be a certain woman. This means you were created to be you. And you are not life everyone else.
Next time, instead of shying away or feeling guilt and shame, lean in and see where it takes you.
Taking time to get to know yourself
Many times as moms we get into the hustle of life that we don’t take time to tune into ourselves.
Then we realize months or even years later that we have been living a life that we don’t love or is not fulfilling.
Taking time to get to know yourself or just tune into yourself will allow you to be more present and intentional in life.
The next time you have a minute take some time to answer these questions:
Who do I want to be?
Not what do I want to do or accomplish, but what do I want to be in the world?
What mark do I want to leave on the world that only I can leave?
What is a good mom to me?
Not really sure how to answer these questions?
Think of it this way. If you were being the very best version of yourself that you could be what would it look like?
Look at the different areas in your life and the key relationships in your life. How do you want to show up?
“You kind of just describe like literally. Like if I were to pull out a piece of paper and I’m like, okay, to be a good mom, these are some characteristics or these are some attributes that resonate with me and that make me feel like I’m doing that job well. So I would write those down. And then I would break it down a step further. And I’d be like, okay, so what’s it going to take to actually be that way?”
What is a good mom to you?
Is a good mom patient? Understanding? Fun?
Once you have identified what is a good mom or good wife looks like, it’s time to go a little deeper.
“Then ask yourself where those ideas came from. Because chances are it’s things that either you grew up seeing and you either want to emulate that or you want to be completely the opposite of that. Or it’s things that you see in society. You know, on Pinterest or Instagram. And you know, all these other external influences on helping you kind of shape what that looks like for you.”
Many times what you think is a good mom comes from an idea that is not even yours.
Take time to find out if these ideas actually line up with what you want and what you value.
Ask yourself, are these things important to me? Do these things really matter to me?
Why am I hold on to comparing myself to someone that does the things that don’t matter to me?
It’s okay that you have no desire to volunteer on the PTA or make Pinterest worthy treats with your kids.
Those things do not define what is a good mom to you.
One practical tip to help you get to know yourself better?
If you are ready to get started with really getting to know yourself and really becoming that awesome mom you’ve envisioned?
Start journaling.
“I think that it’s such a powerful tool because so often we’re just trapped inside of our heads and more times than not, the voice that’s in there talking is not the kindest voice. That’s not the voice that’s encouraging you to keep trying and you can do it and pick yourself up.
And for whatever reason, you know, we have this, this reel that’s kind of playing and we’re just listening to it and we’re taking it on like it’s truth. And like that’s a part of my identity. That’s a part of who I am. So I think it helps if you can kind of get those thoughts out or get these things and these feelings out on paper so that you can actually look at it because it sort of distances you from those thoughts.”
Alisha explains that when you are talking in your mind you are not listening.
Instead of listening to that negative voice in your head all day long, take notice. Then start talking back!
To learn more about Alisha, check out her website. Also, visit her on Facebook and Instagram.
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Key take aways
- Every woman was created to be a certain woman. Be you!
- What is a good mom to you? Take time to define what the best version of a mom looks like to you.
- Take time to journal
Yes, Minda. You are so right. You are not alone when it comes taking a long time to realize that you need time to care for yourself. Thanks!
I think as moms we get so caught up in the moments of taking care of our family’s that we forget about ourselves (especially when the kids are babies!). I have 3 kids and it has taken me 8 years to realize that I need to take care of myself too! Now I carve time in my day to “get to know myself” and to do things just for me. I find that I’m more present with my kids cause I feel more confident with myself. Great article! Thank you!