Real Happy Mom

Practical tips and encouragement for moms

You Don’t have to do Motherhood Alone! Tips for When You Feel Drained with Your Kids

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Motherhood is tough. And there are many days that you love your cute kids. But there are days that you are drained by your kids.

So what do you do? Hide in the bathroom? Wish that you had the volume button to turn them down when you want some peace and quiet?

Don’t worry. I’ve got my guest, Caroline, that is going to help with this. In this episode, she gives tips that we can use right at the moment when we need a break from our kids and long-term strategies.

You are not alone in your motherhood journey. Check out this episode and let Caroline help you take off the load.

 

About Caroline

Caroline J. Sumlin is an online educator, writer, podcaster, and speaker who is on a mission to redefine motherhood by helping modern Christian mothers steward their calling in the home, pursue their dreams boldly, and manage it all with grit and grace. She does this by providing practical and faith-based tools, resources, and education through her signature online program, the Meant For Motherhood Academy, and her podcast, Meant For This. Caroline is a grateful wife and passionate homeschooling mama to two beautiful girls. She loves minimalism, every shade of brown, and sipping on warm drinks every day of the year.

Connect with Caroline

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Transcript of this episode

Real Happy Mom 0:02
Hey there, and welcome to another episode of the Real Happy Mom podcast, the weekly podcast for busy working moms to get inspiration, encouragement and practical tips for this journey called motherhood. My name is Tony and in you are listening to Episode 139. Hey there, and welcome back to another episode of the Real Happy Mom podcast today, I have a really awesome guest, Caroline, who is going to be given us some tips on when we’re feeling drained with our kids. Now, let me tell you, I love my kids dearly. But there are some times when I’m like, please get away from me. And I just want you to know that it is okay if you are feeling like I’ve had enough of you or you’re just really feeling drained by them, because it happens to all of us. And I really wanted to make sure that we had this conversation today. Because supposedly there is some messaging out there that is saying in order to be a good mom, like you have to love being around your kids all the time. And that is not true. In this episode, Caroline toxis, about how she started out having her own dreams and ambitions. And then things quickly changed as she became a mother. And then as she became a at home mom. And in this, she learned that, you know, there are times that she just needs some time away from her kids, and that she can’t always be on clock, she can’t always be there for her kids all the time. So brakes are super important help is super important. And that is something that she really, really hammered in on this particular episode, then she shared with us some solutions to help us when we are feeling drained with our kids, because let’s just be honest, there’s some times in the moment like you need just a minute to just relax and get yourself together. But also, she provides some daily and long term solutions that we can do to help us so that we don’t get to that point where we are getting drained with our kids. And then lastly, we talked about having help, because let’s just be honest, we can’t do it all by ourselves. And as much as people out there trying to make it look like they can do everything all by themselves. It’s just not something that you can do on a long term basis. So we talk a lot about getting help and having just helped around the house and with just the day to day with the kids, because that is something that we don’t do as much, especially here in the US. There is this mindset, like we got to do everything ourselves. And we really talk about how we can get help. And I really want to make sure that you get all of this wonderful goodness that Caroline shares because this was so so good for me. And she gave me some really good reminders on how I can do better about setting myself up so that I don’t get drained by my kids. So I am not going to keep you any longer. We are going to go ahead and jump on into this week’s episode with Caroline.

Real Happy Mom 3:03
All right, welcome to the podcast.

Caroline 3:06
Thank you for having me. I’m excited to be here.

Real Happy Mom 3:08
Yes, I have been wanting to just have a sit down chit chat with you because I listened to your podcast. And you always seem to have some really awesome topics. And in particular, there was one topic that you had about being drained by your kids. And I think that’s one topic in particular that we don’t talk a lot about, because I think Yeah, either one of two things. Either. We try to make motherhood seem like it’s perfect, and everything’s all good. And you should never like get tired of your kids or there’s like the other side where they’re just like motherhood sucks. And it’s terrible, like that kind of thing. So I wanted to have this conversation with you Just because you really bring a different perspective to it, and bring some solutions as well. But before we jump into that topic, I wanted you to share a little bit about you and what you do.

Caroline 3:57
Yeah, well, thank you again, and I couldn’t agree more with everything that you just said. So this is gonna be a great conversation. But Hi, everyone, my name is Caroline j sumlin. I am a educator, a speaker. I want to say that again. Because I do not like when I use correct incorrect grammar. I am educated. This is the teacher and meek. I’m an educator, I am a writer. I am a speaker. I’m a podcaster for Christian moms and women and I specifically help you learn how to be a good steward of your motherhood calling and pursue your dreams and boldly. Another way that I like to put that as a help you steward your calling in the home and in the world and what that looks like and what that means and we talk about stewardship as we talk. We’re talking about not only owning the calling, that is motherhood because that’s like that’s the main that’s the foundation right? We as those of us that are moms it should be everyone listening to this podcast, when we are so blessed to have the gift of motherhood that that has been given to us it is a calling it is a mission field. And our children are our work that like to see them as like projects, but like they are our work they, they are our family, of course, but they are our work we have been gifted and called to raise our children well, and motherhood is just a truly a beautiful gift. And so because of like what you just said, so much of what we what we see online in the mommyhood culture is either this like perfection of motherhood, or this motherhood is terrible. And I want to redefine that narrative and work with the moms in my community to redefine that narrative that we are here to steward our motherhood calling well, and what that looks like is not being perfect, we’re being intentional and everything that we do, but that as women and as I’m faith based, so as women and as Daughters of the Lord, we are also called to other things as well. We are complex human beings. And we have gifts and we have talents. And we have other things that we have called to. And there’s a narrative in society that makes it that makes you feel as though you can either be a mom or you can either be like a career woman, but you can’t be both. And that’s just not true. And outside calling doesn’t mean career, it can mean anything. But we feel as though that once we become moms, our life is kind of over. And that’s for a couple of reasons. One, it’s because we’re not really taught how to properly manage things as moms like when we have kids and and when we’re bringing a family into the mix. Learning how to manage your life with a family is an entirely different skill set that we have to learn and kind of hone in there’s not enough. There’s not enough education on that, in general. Yes, there’s books and things of that nature. But there’s not a lot of education on how to really manage your life well, and other things in society that make us feel like we can’t do both, whether it’s just lack of help, or women that have to leave their jobs because their jobs don’t don’t support them as moms or you know, the fact that we don’t really have as much of a village to help us raise our children anymore. And a lot of things do tend to fall on moms or moms feel guilty, right? There’s that mom guilt that’s like everyone deals with and we feel guilty for asking for help. Having forbid hiring a nanny hiring a mother’s helper, leaving the children with you know, our husbands for a day to go do something that we feel passionate about, or whatever that may look like for you. I think every single mom wrestles with those feelings of mourning their past life mourning, feeling like that person that they used to be or those dreams and those callings, those gifts or those talents that they had, are now no longer allowed to be there because their children are in the picture. And they just don’t see how it’s possible. And I’m here to help raise awareness and educate you and help show you that it is possible that you can go after your dreams, your ambitions, the callings that you’ve been called to outside of motherhood, and you can do so while being an amazing mom while prioritizing motherhood while keeping that mission of motherhood. First, it’s possible to do both well, and that’s what I’m here to do. So I do that through resources through education. I no longer call myself a coach, I’ve been called a coach before I’ve done a one on one coaching. But I don’t really do that anymore. More of what I do is teaching a lot of workshops, writing a lot of content, doing my podcast, of course, which is another way that I teach this particular topic or content or however, you know, speaking engagements, things of that nature to really just champion women in in this in this area. So that’s that’s a little bit about me. That’s what I do. And I know that was really long winded answer, but I’m just so passionate about it. And yeah, I’m grateful to be here and to have this conversation with you.

Real Happy Mom 8:43
Yes, yes, no, I love all of what you said. Because it’s like, I feel like you’re my twin sister, but you have this really big fire behind it as far as your passion for helping moms because I am totally with you too, as well. And I love it. The big thing that I really feel like we mirror a lot on is the whole concept of you know that there’s this perfect mom out there and you have to do things a certain way because I will be honest with you. When I first became a mom, because of what I knew and what I saw, I thought you literally had to do everything for your kids and for your spouse like you didn’t have any time for yourself because that’s all what I saw. So, as a result, I got drained, I lost myself I didn’t know what I like to do because everything revolved around taking care of my husband taking care of my son. And it wasn’t until I did just submit real like looking at myself and then talking to some other moms. Luckily in some Facebook communities, insane like you can like do whatever it is that you know you are called to do what you are passionate about and still be an awesome mom. And that’s one thing that I don’t see a lot of. So I’m so glad that you brought that up but in particular I know that moms are feeling really drained because of what has been happening with the pandemic, especially since moms were, you know, home because they either had to work from home or they were furloughed, or what have you, the pandemic really did bring to light some things and make us stay home a lot. And as a result of being home alive, we spend a lot more time with our kids, but at the same time, it can be really draining. So I wanted you to talk a little bit about that and how it’s okay. That it happens. Because I think sometimes moms are afraid to admit that because they may be perceived as a bad mom, but it really is okay.

Caroline 10:42
Oh my gosh, yes. I mean, this is something that and I I wrestled with this too, because when I was like, when I was when I was like 16, I started to really get like this desire for motherhood. And part of the reason why I didn’t actually go down the career path I was originally going to go down, which is going to be journalism slash, now there’s going to be like a news anchor, you know, I pictured myself on the Today Show in New York.

Caroline 11:09
Fan like, they can still call me but I’m just, I’m just saying, like, I had this vision for my life, but God was like, Hey, I actually called you to mothers and I had this desire for motherhood. And I pivoted, and because I had such a strong desire for motherhood, I figured once motherhood came, I would just want to be around my kids all the time. And when I finally did become a mom, and I was at the time, I was still working, I was still working as a teacher, I was drained by my job, I just wanted to be home with my baby. I didn’t want to be going to work anymore. I hated leaving her. I hate how little time I spent with her. So I just really prayed so hard to be an at home mom. Now I say an at home mom. But I don’t say a stay at home mom, because I never wanted to fully stay home. I’ve always been a super ambitious person. I never expected myself to like, be at home but not be happy not have some sort of work that I was doing at the time I had a different business. Well, I bought my microphone, I apologize if you heard that guys. But I at the time, I had a different business, which was actually a physical product. And I always envisioned that I would like work but that I would be you know, more full time mom and part time work versus you know, vice versa. And that’s always what I wanted. Of course, no one envisions like a pandemic or anything like that, you know, when they when they become an at home mom or when they when they’re at home with their children. So I I say this to say that like when when I did start staying home, which was not until my second daughter was born, I was working at the time, I actually was working for a virtual assistant agency from home. And I enjoyed that I enjoyed doing the balls. But even at that time, even though I wasn’t like we weren’t in a pandemic, I remember starting to feel really drained and really like, Oh my goodness, like I’m with these kids all day long. I mean, at the time, like, you know, when my when both of my children were like to a newborn, like I still had both of them overlapping a nap, which was nice. But as my eldest daughter got to, you know, got older and she started to drop that nap and her needs became more demanding. She started speaking more she started needing like, like a socialization and outlet and I felt like I needed an outlet. I felt like a hypocrite. Like I really wrestled with that. And I was starting to go into my business with helping moms I always been so good at routines and systems and getting my children to sleep and figuring out how to manage my life was easy, but I was like, why is it that I’ve managed my life? Well, I’ve got my children sleeping, you know, we’re on a good rhythm. But why is that I still feel drained. Why is it that I you know, am not enjoying this as much as I thought I would. I was enjoying it. I love being with my kids. I didn’t want to go back to work full time. But I was still feeling this restlessness. And I was feeling this like this trapped ness, if that makes any sense. And I felt bad. But I felt I felt so guilty. I’m like, I’m not supposed to feel this way. I’m supposed to love this. Every stay at home mom I know loves being with their kids all the time. I knew I had a desire, what happened to it like it’s there, but it’s not. And through a lot of seeking God and praying and asking him to like help me with these emotions. I realized that this is so normal because guys, we’re all individual people. Like, I think we forget that like we are humans. We have individual needs. We are created to be in relationship. ship, but we’re never created to be in a like, I don’t think any of us are ever supposed to be around each other all of the time. And we’re not supposed to be on the clock of life all the time. So right when you’re a mom and you’re at home with your kids, and your kids aren’t going anywhere at the time my children weren’t going to any sort of like there was no Mother’s Day Out. There was nothing right And I started to think about I was like, well, all the other moms, I know they have their kids and like at least the part time program. So I started to realize that well, these kids are with me all of the time. And so I’m always on the clock. It never ends. When I was teaching I at least knew I did off at three o’clock, you know, and then I would say goodbye to the kids are not feeling again, the next morning like that was that was a relief for me, even though I was working, and then going home to my family, I felt real, I felt refreshed and rejuvenated enough to be with my kids, because I wasn’t around them all day long. And then by the time I got back to the classroom, I wasn’t around those kids all day long. So I got there was enough of a break in there. And I started to realize like how important breaks are, how important help is how important a village to raise our children are and how mothers in today’s society have bought this lie that we’re supposed to do everything ourselves, and do it without help and that we’re a bad mom. And we have to have mom guilt. If we don’t like what sense of that make, like, it

Unknown Speaker 16:04
doesn’t make any

Caroline 16:04
sense. I even asked my mom, like, could you ever deal with this mom guilt if like, you had to drop me off at daycare, or, you know, because I was around a lot of different childcare all the time, I had a single mom, she’s like, well knows what I had to do. And if I wanted to do something, I had plenty of people I could, you know, she didn’t have those issues. I don’t think that existed back then. So I don’t know what changed. I don’t know where this messaging came from. But we really need to like, dismantle it completely. Because it’s totally, it’s just, it’s ruining us. It’s causing so much depression and anxiety and mental mental health problems, or I don’t have problems, it’s the right word. But in the motherhood community, and realistically, you’re going to get drained by anything you do. Even if you love it all the time. Even if you’re working your dream job, even if you are, I don’t know, like, I can’t think of any other example. But anything that you love, if you do it 24 seven, you will get drained, it does not matter because we are created to need to have rhythm and flow and ebb and flow to our days and breaks here and times were on and times were off, not to mention that women are cyclical beings. So it really doesn’t make sense what we’re trying what we’re forcing ourselves to do. So I’m saying all that to say like, Oh my gosh, like it’s just so normal. And with the pandemic. Yeah, that’s taken so much of that away from us. And I think it’s made it even more aware, made us even more aware how just how important it is, for us to, once we’re able to do it, like, Can every single mom listening to this, say, I’m gonna hire whatever help I can, without any questions, I’m gonna put my children in whatever program I want to hire a mother’s helper to hire a nanny, because they need it. Our children need the outlet, they need to be around other kids, they need to have other adult mentors in their life. It takes a village to raise them, it’s beneficial for them, it’s beneficial for us, and is enough of us living life. As if we’re supposed to be some sort of superhuman robot mom, it just doesn’t exist, you know?

Real Happy Mom 18:05
Yeah, no, I totally agree with all those things in, in particular about doing something that you love 24 seven, like, you’re gonna get tired, you’re gonna get drained. And that’s something that I really didn’t think much of. But the one thing that I love is the solutions that you have. And in particular, I remember you talking about, you know, some in the moment solutions and daily solutions and some long term solutions when you’re feeling drained with your kids. So I just wanted you to touch on some of those and give us some of these practical things that we can do so that we don’t have to feel like this. And then kind of break that cycle when whenever we do notice that coming up.

Caroline 18:42
Yeah, that’s Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I’m not gonna lie, these probably won’t match exactly what I wrote, or what I said on my podcast episode, because that was a while ago. And I don’t have my script on me. But from what I can remember and what I’ve, I’ve taught before, when you when you’re thinking of like your short term solutions, those are going to be like when you are already feeling it, like you’re just having a day we’re like, the drained mist is here, like it’s here. It’s not going anywhere. One thing we need to stop doing is we need to stop trying to push through and act as if it’s not there and kind of like, force ourselves to carry on with our day as if we don’t feel the way that we’re feeling. Because all you’re going to do is you’re going to exasperate how you’re feeling and it’s going to get worse. And the worse it gets, the harder it’s going to be to recover. Okay, and that’s not good for your children, either. We get so caught up with wanting to be perfect. And so we do things like punish ourselves, like saying, well, oh my goodness, like I can’t do extra screentime today because I don’t want to be a bad mom, when in reality, what’s going to affect them more if you snap on them because you’re having a crappy day, or if they have some extra screen time that day. What’s going to affect them more is if we snap on that because we’re feeling burned out and drained. So it’s much better to Just kind of like, have an easier day and kind of go into a survival mode, not in survival mode where you lose control, not a survival mode where you let like all the chaos ensue. But it’s survival mode where you say, you know what, like, we’re not going to do this activity we normally do today, anything that takes extra energy from you. If it’s, you know, if you’re the kind of mom that’s like, you typically have like one activity, do your kids today, or maybe you’re homeschooling, or maybe you guys always go to the park, but like, it’s feeling like it’s going to, it’s just, that’s too much of your energy right now. And you just need to put on a movie, or you just need to like, whip out a basket of activities that you’ve already pre curated. When you have the energy, then that’s what I would say to do, okay, just any evening to kind of get you through the day to kind of close to give yourself permission to sit on the couch and watch them play. And just do do what you need to do and keep the bare minimum going the bare minimum would be those nap times the snack times the meal times like, yeah, you’re gonna have to do those things. Because, you know, we know that a hungry, tired child is just like, that’s never the answer. But

Caroline 21:06
other than that, like really just give yourself grace and kind of coast through the day, with some things that some measures you’ve already put into place that you don’t that you know, you can rely on. So like I said, my favorite shoe are going to be either extra screentime, or a quiet time basket or activities that you’ve kind of like hidden away that they’ve forgotten about that like when you know you need something that’s going to keep them quiet for a little bit, keep them occupied, you can pull these things out some examples of those activities might be we love stickers in this house. So anytime I pull out stickers, the kids are going like oh my goodness, oh, stickers, yeah. And they can literally just play with them forever. Some that that’s going to be playdough for us, too. So whipping out the playdough is great. We love things like Oh, what is that thing called a tangram. Like, the tangram is something that barely gets played with. But when I whip it out, it’s like, oh, we haven’t played with this in a while it’s a sit down activity, it’s quiet. So most of these things are going to be the sit down activities, the ones that are going to, you know, make us that your kids are like concentrating a little bit more a little bit more quiet open ended. So you don’t feel like you’re just like living in a house of chaos, and the kids are running amok, and they’re everywhere, that’s not going to help you either. So those are going to be your short term solutions. And then your long term solutions are? Well, to kind of piggyback off of that short term solution, a long term solution is going to be to curate some options for your harder days, I think that’s really important. You know, that’s going to be those activities that you can curate, maybe you’re going to print out some coloring pages that you whip out, maybe you’re going to you know, browse the target dollar spot, the next time you’re there and pick up a couple items. Every time they’re there, they’ve got great stuff for kids. And those like inexpensive items are wonderful for whipping out at a moment’s notice for like when you need something that they can do. But your other long term solutions are going to be to create routines that actually that actually cater to a rhythm of having some quiet an independent times in your day where you know that your kids have been trained to, you know, be quiet stay in their room, I’ll say Be quiet, like they can’t talk we just have a quiet or playtime stay in their room. If they’re old enough, of course, your younger ones, these these can be nap times but they can also be independent play times. Independent playtime can start as young as you want it to it can be in a crib with a couple of toys. And you can have a baby that sits there with toys all the way up to you know my two year old plays in her crib, she has room time in her crib every single day and my four year old does it in her room. And they do it at the same time. And I turn music on and that time I know I can count on even though it’s only going to be 30 minutes, I can count on that 30 minutes where they’re in their room and I don’t have to I don’t have to cater to them in that moment. So if I’m having a bad day, then I can kind of rejuvenate but also just having that rhythm in my day every day i’m not i’m on but I’m not because I’m not going to entertain them all day long. I’m going to train them to play by themselves so that they you know their kids and the more that they do that the better so that’s going to be more of a long term solution as far as like your day to day is concerned. But then also begin looking at what solutions you have. Even though we’re in the middle of a pandemic right now. What can you do if you are married? And I know that not everybody? Yes I was going to be sensitive to that but if you are married, then how can you and your husband be flipping off like flip flip flopping like duties if you will, you know so when Can he is there two or three days a week where you know when he’s coming home from work if you’re at if you’re the one that’s at home, it when he’s coming home from work when he comes in you get to go you get to go to the store you get to go to Panera and sit down you get to go downstairs upstairs, go take a shower or something along those lines and you are not on duty from the time he gets home until the time the kids go to bed. If you could do that two or three days A week that’s really going to help you, you know, at least to get us get you by until the world opens back up again, and you can have some reprieve in the middle of your day, that’s going to be really important if you aren’t married. And know, like I said, I know some of us aren’t married, or some of you guys aren’t married.

Caroline 25:16
That’s a little bit harder. So that might be something along the lines of well, maybe there is, you know, one or two days a week where you do just like you take your kids to the park. And but you always treat yourself to a coffee on the way there and you get your coffee, and you bring a book and every other day or every two days, something like that, you go to the park for a prolonged period of time, you get your coffee, maybe you treat kids to chick fil a or something like that. And you just do something that’s going to make it easier on you for the end user resources that you have. It may not be exactly what you want, it may not be, you know, that dream scenario that you wish you could do right now Trust me, I wrestle with this all the time, my dream scenario is to have my kids in a program two to three days a week, at least for half the time so that I can have time in the middle of the day. But that’s just not possible right now. So I’ve got to work with what I have, you’ve got to work with what you have. And even though it’s not the most ideal situation, it is really going to help it’s going to help to keep the amount of times that you feel burned out a little bit more at bay, it will still happen because it’s inevitable, but it will keep it at bay, it will keep you feeling like you’re in the driver’s seat, and give yourself permission to do to do things for yourself or to not do something to not cook a fancy meal to, you know, to make sandwiches instead of chicken for dinner or order the pizza or whatever it is that you need to do for you. Like we got to survive and a happy mom is better than a stressed out mom, a happy mom with like a with pizza is better than a stressed out mom with the most perfect dinner. Right? So I think a lot of it is to just like reevaluating priorities and deciding for ourselves like, what is it that I’m forcing myself to do? Because I think I have to because it makes me a quote unquote, perfect mom like on Instagram versus what do I really need to do that’s going to be best for the health of myself and the health and the health of my children. And as long as you’re making decisions from that lens, I really think that you can’t you can’t go wrong, you know?

Real Happy Mom 27:16
Yes, I am loving all of these solutions that you just gave, because I’m sitting here thinking like, yeah, it’s been a minute since I put together some, some activities for the kids so that I can have them ready because it never fails. It always catches me off guard the days that I’m like not feeling like you know, the best mom ever. Yeah, having those. Those activities like ready to go really does help because I used to go over to the dog spot. And it’s funny that you mentioned that because I was like, Oh yeah, it’s been a while since I did that. And then also to like working with your spouse if you do have that. So that, you know, you don’t have to do everything by yourself. Because that’s one thing that I’m really like, trying to push myself on more is like reminding myself like, you don’t have to do everything like it’s okay if someone else does it in like all aspects of my life at work at home with my kids. Like I don’t have to do everything. And so I love that that you brought that up because it I don’t know where this whole supermom concept comes up. But I remember distinctly having a conversation with this one particular mom and I was telling her like, Oh, yeah, like this was before I was teaching myself, you know, you don’t have to do everything yourself. I was telling her, you know, well, we all have the same 24 hours a day as Beyonce. So I should be able to get this stuff done. And she was like, Yeah, but you don’t have the same team as Beyonce. And I was like, okay, Point taken. But it does make a difference when you do have that help and support. So I’m loving that you brought all that up.

Caroline 28:42
And I just want to add to like, moms, especially at home moms, hire help, like, if you can, I know not everybody can but like I am, for the first time ever investing in a mother’s helper, not very expensive. She’s a teenage girl, she’s going to start coming over on Mondays for four hours a day. In that four hours, I’m going to get more work done in my business and I’ve ever had been able to get done possible. And it’s going to be beautiful. Why? Because, again, we can’t do everything ourselves, right? So even if it’s because you need to work or you just need a break, you need to you know, go watch a movie, whatever the case may be mothers helpers are beautiful because they are, excuse me, they are. They’re typically like younger, you know, teenage sometimes college age, either homeschooled kids or kids that will learn virtually something like that, which a lot of our kids are doing that right now in the middle of pandemic looking for a little side gig looking for some extra cash, you are still at home. So it’s not a full on nanny, but it’s somebody that you can just hire to help out. They can help with the dishes sometimes or whatever, whatever you want to do whatever you’ve agreed to, you know, you have an old relationship with their parents. And it’s a great job for them because it teaches them like it’s kind of like a first job kind of thing. It teaches them how to take care of kids. So it’s usually a girl You know what I’m saying? And That, of course, you know, it gives you a break too. So, you know, yes, of course, we’re in the middle of pandemic, but at the same time, like, we’re also in the middle of a mental health crisis because of everything the pandemic has done. And I really had to just fight through like the negative like, oh, my goodness, like my mom thinks I should wait. And my in laws don’t think it’s safe right now because of the pandemic. But you know what, like, I’m not safe right now. Because my mental health with me having been home for a year, like we moved, I talked about this in one of my recent pockets, episodes, we moved, and then the world shut down, I literally just been in this house since we moved, it was literally this time last year that we moved, and the world shut down, like shortly after that. So it’s been difficult. Like, even with everything in place, it’s still been difficult. And so it just got to the point where I’m like, you know, what I need to hire, I need to hire some help. And so it’s not that expensive to have a mother’s helper, you know, go through COVID protocols, take your temperature, everyday wear masks, do whatever you have to do. And if you’re able to hire a nanny, do it because you know, if that’s more safe, then you know, maybe like something else, like maybe it’s like a more like a facility, but at the same time, like you know what, daycare facilities right now are also taking really great protocols, they are going above and beyond they’re cleaning their facilities, they’re socially distancing the kids they’ve got, they’re doing a really good job. And we’re not hearing about like outbreaks and a ton of daycare centers. So I know that there have been some and of course, like that, that you’re taking a risk Either way, it’s kind of like a risk six and one half and a half isn’t on the other. You’re either taking a risk for your mental health, you’re taking a risk for your, for your, for your physical health, but I think that you can maybe just, you know, pray about it, ask her husband if you’re married. But what what is one thing that you can do? Is it just is it a Is it a program is a mother’s helper? Is it a cleaner that you can hire that comes in once or twice a month, or something along those lines, where you can give yourself hired consistent breaks, because even though I work with my husband on things, I’m going to still do that, I’m going to still have evenings where my husband helps me out as well, four hours a week on a Monday is going to be great, but it’s still not going to be enough. We need to have a combination of these things in our corner to be able to give us those breaks that help and things that nature that we need. And it’s not possible. It’s literally not possible nor nor do I think it’s enough to just do the routines with the quiet time and a trade off with your husband. That’s that’s good maintenance. But that’s not like, that’s not the full solution. The full solution is a combination of these things where we have, you know, support on the childcare end over here. Or Or maybe it’s a mother’s helper over here. Or maybe it’s you know, a part time preschool solution over here, whatever that looks like for you. But you need a combination of things like the full on like solution. And I think, you know, we’re getting to the point now where, you know, yeah, whatever feels good for you, as far as the pandemic is concerned, like, you know, do what feel safe. But I think that we all need to give ourselves permission to just like, say, you know, what, like, my mental health matters, too. And I think that this is something that if if you can make it work financially, and you can be safe, I think that we should just start normalizing hiring more help for moms at home, like pandemic or not, like, hire help. It’s it is okay to have someone come over and help you with your children and help you with your housework. Because you are one person and you can’t do it all and that’s okay, you know?

Real Happy Mom 33:23
Yes, yes, I totally agree. And it’s funny, because I remember, I think early. Yeah, I think I had still had my first son, I hadn’t had my second son yet. And I remember I went to this dermatologist, who, Oh, my gosh, he was a piece of work. But he said something that kind of like really ticked me off. But at the same time he was right. And when I look back at it, I’m like, Yeah, he kind of had a point. But I was having issues with my hands. My hands were breaking out when he was telling me like, you can’t wash the dishes, you can’t clean, like, you need to stop doing that, because that’s what’s causing it to flare up. And I was like, sorry, like, I got a young child and I have a husband like, I gotta clean up. And he’s like, you’re like, well, he didn’t say how much I was making. But he was like, you’re making enough money where you can hire someone to do that for you. And I was like, man, like, first of all, why do you over you’re looking at my pocketbook measuring how much money I’m making. But at the same time, he was right. Like, I don’t have to do everything, and I can’t get someone else to help me with it. So I’m glad you brought that up. Because I think a lot of times we think that we’re trying to, you know, either save money or you know, we think we can afford it. But when we really look at like how much some of the stuff cost like it’s not as much as you think and you really can make it work if you if you’re searching for the right help. I really have found that you can find some things that are definitely within your budget.

Caroline 34:42
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I’m 100% 100% agree and it’s really all a mindset thing too. Of course we want to be wise their finances but what wisdom can mean? You know, just putting aside money for help, it’s going to help your sanity that’s going to make you feel better as a mom versus like, you know, maybe something else that you might be spending your money on. That’s not really that, that maybe it’s providing a fleeting satisfaction, but that’s not actually helping you in the long run, you know what I mean? And I think we all we justify things based off of, like, you know, like, like dollars and cents like, Oh, well, you know, I feel good, right? I feel okay, buying these $15 pair of jeans right now, I’m so excited. That’s fine, too. Not saying that you can’t do that. But at the end of the day are those is that pair of jeans gonna help you feel better overall, as far as like, what as far as what you need, when it comes to your mental health, with handling everything and having space and time to breathe, so that you can show up better for your kids. Like, again, I’m not saying that those jeans aren’t a good investment, because you could be like, you know what, these jeans are gonna make me feel better in my body, hey, I did that too. I went ahead and invested in some jeans that I would feel good in my body because I didn’t like the way my jeans fit. So you know, there’s that eighth that’s really going to help you with your mental health, I think is actually, you know, going to be a good investment. But I do sometimes think that we are we really block ourselves, we have a lot of mental block a lot of passed down mental blocks a lot of False. False, I guess the word is just realities of of or false. Something I don’t know, is that false messaging, I guess Of what? Of Money mindset and how to spend our money and how to be good stewards that we think is money. It’s only if I save all my money on being a good steward of my finances? Well, yes, but if that means that, you know, you’re you’re struggling and you’re doing everything yourself the at the sake of saving all this money, but like you are sacrificing your mental health and you’re falling apart and you are barely you’re barely keeping it together. But hey, you save money. Is that really doing you any good? You don’t? I mean, so I really had to wrestle with that myself and, and say, Okay, well, you know, no, it’s not in the budget right now. Like, like, feasibly, it’s not in the budget right now, for me to hire some sort of like, you know, part time nanny per se, but there’s all there was a solution of a mother’s helper that fits really nicely into our budget. And I had to do some research, I had to find someone that you know, was was a price that I could afford and speak with her mom. And really all it took was me just putting a post out on Facebook group that was for the moms in my area. And I found somebody and, and it was the price was great. And I prayed about it and God provided. So yeah, I just think it’s really important to just, you know, there’s just so there’s so much mindset stuff that us moms are constantly wrestling with. And we just think again, the more we do ourselves, the more we save, the more that we put on ourselves, the better we are, the more we succeeded. But did we really, really what we need to do is re rewrite what our definition of success is, and start writing a narrative of success that is that is built on our wellness and our our like, yeah, our mental and physical wellness and our spiritual wellness versus we succeeded today because look at everything that I did yesterday, you know?

Real Happy Mom 38:00
Yes, yeah, I’m totally with you on all of that. Now you have given us a lot of really great tips, actually giving me some encouragement, a motivated me to do things to help. I don’t get drained with my kids. So thank you for giving us all of that. Now, before we sign up, I wanted you just share where we can connect with you if we want to learn more about you or just get more of what you have. Because you have a lot of really great things to share with us.

Caroline 38:26
Yes, absolutely. So you can find me I love to hang out on Instagram. So that’s at Caroline j, the letter J. Someone I’m sure you’ll have that in the show notes because it’s not a common last name. I wish it was I wish I was just like Johnson or something like that would be so much easier. But Caroline j Selman is where I met on Instagram, I love to hang out there. So come give me a follow, come give me a shout. And you can also go to my website, Caroline j sumlin.com. I’ve got a lot of resources there for you or click the link in my bio on Instagram. There, you can sign up for my free manage all the things challenge. It’s a free five day challenge where I teach you literally how to manage all the things how to get your priorities in order how to create a routine that will work well for you. I also have a really great thrive at home Guide, which is a a workbook filled with planning templates that are curated specifically for you to be able to plan and curate your day and week at home during this pandemic. So it’s actually meant for you to figure out how do I plan well, for my days at home, what kind of activities Am I planning for my kids? What, how am I going to plan my work tasks around my kids routines, and with that also comes a tutorial video as well, that’s in my shop and you can just that’s actually just 27 bucks, you can just grab that in my shop as well. I also have free monthly coffee chats that I’m starting to host actually just just recently so you can sign up for those coffee chats at the link in my bio as well or on A website that will pop up for you. And that’s just a time for us to connect to hang out to literally just drink coffee together share. And then lastly, I have a membership community for mullahs. And that’s called the Met for motherhood Academy. And in that Academy, I teach you how to manage motherhood with efficiency and intention, so you can make room for what matters most. So that’s that’s literally everything that I have.

Real Happy Mom 40:23
Awesome. Awesome. Yes. And I will make sure to include all of those links in the show notes. Thank you. Thank you so much for coming on. This has been so awesome. Yes, thank

Caroline 40:33
you so much for having me. I

Real Happy Mom 40:34
appreciate it. Now that does it for this episode of the Real Happy Mom podcast to find the links and show notes head make sure you head over to Real Happy Mom comm slash 139. And there you’ll find all the links that Caroline mentioned. And do me a favor if you have found this podcast helpful rate and review it in Apple podcasts or wherever you listen to this podcast and I’ll be forever grateful. Take care and make sure you stay tuned for next week’s episode. Take care and with lots of love

 

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